Holes Never Die
by RadMcCool212
Summary: There are girls, there will be romance, but there is also an absolutely absurd story line including intern spies and a breakout of D tent. It's good! Really! Don't be thrown off by the first chapter! REVIEW PLEASE!
1. First Mission

DISCLAIMER

I don't own Holes at all. I don't even have the book or movie. I own nothing but an annoying cat and my own dorkiness.

Juliana leaned back in her office chair, thinking about life in general and the people at the table with her that had become good friends: Greg, a tall boy with black hair and the epitome of emo glasses, read a newspaper from 1929 across the table from her; Tap, a small girl with hair turning slightly green from her blue dye job, was under the table checking for wiretaps; Adrienne, a lovely, medium sized girl with long, slightly wavy brown hair, was listening to her ipod silently; Giorgio, who had blonde hair and was athletically built, chatted on his cell phone to his boyfriend; Alice, a black girl with the most amazing curly hair, sat with her notebook making new plans; and Trixie flossed her teeth, looking obviously worn and most definitely not a morning person. Gina, a thirty something who was not very bright, but supposed to be the boss, was late. Again. The white ceiling gazed back at Juliana, not thinking much of anything since it was a ceiling. She laughed at the joke in her head, and then _gracefully_ fell over.

"Was that another graceful fall, Evans?" Greg asked over his newspaper.

Tap smiled at Juliana from the floor, "Are you checking with me now?"

"Um… no," Juliana answered, putting her chair back up. "Gina did not wire the table, Tap, and you know it."

"But what if Mr. D did? What about that?" Tap leaned up so that she could give Juliana a questioning look.

"You are loony," Giorgio laughed.

"Am not!" Tap retorted.

Giorgio turned to her and pulled down his phone, "What? Oh, I wasn't talking to you, Tap, I was talking to Glenn."

"Oh," Tap frowned and went back under the table.

Alice glanced at her watch and looked up, "Where is Gina? Shouldn't we have loaded paper by now? And I need to giver her my idea for the next mission!"

Trixie grimaced, "I don't know, but if the bitch does not get here pretty fucking soon, I'm going to cut her open. I woke up early for this shit!"

"We met here at noon," Adrienne said, her eyes closed as she listened to music.

"That means that I had to wake up at eleven thirty! I need three more fucking hours!"

"Right," Adrienne grimaced and turned up her ipod.

Greg put down his paper and folded it up, "So, did you guys do the AP homework yet?"

"No," Adrienne said immediately.

"Fuck no," Trixie said right after. "I'm not even going to do that shit. I'm going to buy a paper because the Declaration of Suckdependence is fucking droll! And I also don't agree with the fucking enlightenment ideas."

"I said it was a conspiracy," Tap said from under the table, crawling under Adrienne who gave a start. "I like for the teachers to think that I am crazy."

"I finished mine long ago," Alice said.

"I started it," Juliana shrugged.

Giorgio chortled loudly, and that was answer enough for him.

"I'm completely stumped on it," Greg leaned his head on his hand. "I can't think of how to start it! I mean, I know John Locke's _Second Treatise_, and I know the Declaration of Independence, but I don't know how to connect them!"

"Ask Gina. She'll give you something," Alice said, now doodling an escape plan.

"Yes, ask me," A loud pitched voice said as the door to the room slammed.

Every single one of the teenagers at the table turned to the noise, except Giorgio, who was too busy saying, "You're silly!" to notice. A thump even came from under the table from Tap trying to stand up and look.

"Good morning, Gina," Alice smiled. "I have a new plan for…"

"Not listening," Gina said swiftly, walking to the base of the table. "I am more important now, Alice darling. All right, now, you all know that you need to get your first missions, right?"

Everyone nodded and muttered right, except Giorgio, who was saying "No, you hang up first," repeatedly.

"Right, so, I have your first mission," she held up an envelope, "right here."

Everyone's jaws, except Giorgio's, dropped and the room was silent. Giorgio noticed the silence, then Gina and whispered his goodbyes.

"What did I miss?" he asked.

"I have your first mission," Gina pointed to the envelope, "right here."

"Oh, well that's cool," he smiled, having not listened to a word.

"Are you sure we are ready?" Alice asked, still shocked.

Tap came out from under the table, "I haven't even found the wiretaps you hid!"

"Yes and I didn't hide any wire taps," Gina raised an eyebrow. "You all are ready! You are the best interns Spies Incorporated has had for a long time! Well, since those ones that got eaten by alligators on their first mission… that was pretty bloody… and it took a lot of money to erase all of those memories…."

"Can I not do it?" Trixie asked. "I'm only doing this for the fucking dough, which, by the way, I haven't seen yet. Where is my god damn money?"

"It's deposited in a secret account," Adrienne said lazily. "We took you to get money last night, but you didn't do it."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. I can't process this early in the fucking morning."

"It's one thirty."

"I don't wake up for a half an hour usually!"

Gina cleared her throat, "Have I not already said I am more important in this situation? Because I am. All right, I'm handing out your missions now…" she opened the envelope and poured them on the table.

Alice, who was on the end closest to Gina, slid the envelopes to everyone. Each one opened theirs to see a blank piece of paper. Tap probed hers first, however, and decided that it was a bomb and didn't open it.

"Why is it blank?" Adrienne asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Because it's a bomb," Tap said from under the table.

"It's blank because I give you the orders. That was a test. You all passed with flying colors. Except Adrienne, because she sassed me," Gina gave Adrienne the stink eye, though Alice and Juliana held back laughter about it. "Your mission was, if you choose to accept it…."

"We can not accept it? Cause I'm so fucking there!" Trixie exclaimed.

Gina closed her eyes, counted to ten out loud, and then continued, "Your mission, which you _must_ accept, is to do a jail break."

"A jail break?" Adrienne cocked her eyebrow again.

"Well, not a jail break, per say, but a juvenile-camp break. You see, there is this camp in some place or another called Camp Green Lake. We want the camp for a new headquarters, but the lady who owns it will not let us make an underground facility because she is a stingy loser, whom I hate. So, we need to do a mass break out to make the place look irresponsible and have it closed down."

"I have heard of that place," Greg frowned. "It was in some crime story I read. Apparently, the place was where Kissing Kate Barlow buried her treasure. It's in Texas somewhere. How do we get there?"

"As I was about to say before I was rudely interrupted, Camp Green Lake is in Texas and apparently Kissing Kate Barlow buried her treasure there. The thing about it is that it is on a first-come-first-serve basis and it is full. Also, it isn't really for girls, but we have gotten that sorted out."

"So, how do we get there if it is full?" Adrienne asked.

"Well, we infected the boys in one of the tents, tent C or B or nine, with smallpox," Gina said regally. "We should be getting a call at anytime for you all to be sent there."

"You infected them with smallpox?" Alice asked, again shocked. "What if it kills them!"

"There is a vaccine, stupid. We will just give them the shot and presto!"

"What if it is a different form of it! It's like Influenza and it mutates!"

"Shut up, I'm not concerned," Gina growled, and then checked her pager on her side. "Yep, you guys were accepted in. So, tomorrow you will be leaving at um…" she calculated with her fingers, "two tomorrow."

"Fucking yes!" Trixie exclaimed happily.

"Two in the morning, yes," Gina said, not noticing Trixie.

"Fucking no!" Trixie exclaimed angrily.

"All right, so, we need to give out your identities. We will start with Greg first. Greg, you are the flamboyantly gay friend. Here is your flamboyant pink shirt to arrive in and be sure to tie your work shirt up like a belly shirt."

"I'm what?" Greg asked, processing it. "Don't you think it would be better if Giorgio were…"

"I'm not flamboyantly gay, dude. You didn't know I was gay when you met me," Giorgio responded.

"But you are gay! I'm straight!"

"But you look gay. Giorgio, however, looks like the jock, so he is the jock. Here is your letterman's jacket, Giorgio," Gina dropped a package on the table and Alice passed it down with Greg's package.

"How do I look gay?" Greg asked, not looking at his package at all.

"You are feminine looking. Case closed. Moving on, we have Tap, who will be the rebel who drinks and does drugs and that."

"Wait, I didn't dye my hair to rebel against the system. I dyed my hair because it was a dare and I don't have the money to change it. I am a scientist who embraces laws, not breaks them!" Tap argued. "And I would never, ever do drugs in my life!"

"Then you shouldn't have been sent to Camp Green Lake for Cocaine possession, missy! Here are your clothes. I got them from a thrift store," Gina retorted. "Back to subject. Juliana, speak Spanish. Learn it quick, huh?"

"I was born in Ohio, Gina. I speak English. Why would I do that?" Juliana asked politely.

"Because you are Mexican."

"My parents were born in America too!"

"So you know no Spanish at all?"

"Um… taco."

"That's not good for me. You can be the tomboy then. That one was the back up."

"Juliana is the girliest girl ever though," Adrienne had her eyebrow cocked to the fullest degree. "There is no way she could be the tomboy."

"Shut up. No more discussion on Juliana. Alice, you are the feisty black friend who says, 'gggiiiirrrlll' and all of those kind of things. Learn the 'z snap,' all right?"

"If that's what you think is best," Alice sighed, obviously upset.

"That is so demeaning, Gina!" Adrienne almost stood up. "Alice is better than that!"

"Must I always be rudely interrupted? It seems I must! Trixie, you will be the blonde. You know, stupid and moronic, which actually isn't much of a stretch."

"Fuck no! There is no fucking way I will be the moron blonde because I'm not fucking stupid! I'm practically valedictorian! I'm not fucking doing it!"

"You can't curse, also, because you are the naïve blonde who says really stupid but funny things. You are the stupid blonde who is full of chastity and niceness," Gina gave a far away smile.

"Oh. Fuck. No," Trixie said shocked.

"Right. The cursing needs to stop, okay? Thanks. So, that is it, right?"

"I don't have an identity," Adrienne piped up, crossing her arms over her chest. "What am I? The cheerleader? The teacher's pet? The rich girl?"

"You're the slut," Gina said simply, setting down a very small package.

Giorgio burst out laughing, but quickly quieted with the glare he got, "Coughing fit. I tend to do that. Cough… you know… coughing and making it sound like a laugh… and uh… oh forget it."

Adrienne was obviously pissed, "What?"

"You are the slut. All you have to do is make out with a bunch of guys and the girls here. Maybe screw one of the counselors… you know… slutty things," Gina shuffled some papers she produced out of nowhere, acting nonchalant.

"This is ridiculous! I mean, why do we have to be stereotypes anyway?"

"Because then it won't be like a teenage comedy flick where, in the end, the main character learns a valuable lesson from his or her wacky friends."

"But it's not a teenage comedy flick or some stupid fan fiction where everyone is stereotypes. We are real people who can't be packaged!"

"Don't make me make you the rebel!"

"Wouldn't the rebel be a slut?" Tap asked, still searching for wires around the room.

"Or the blonde?" Trixie queried, fighting back her urge to cuss.

Gina sighed aggravatedly, "Not to the degree that Adrienne is supposed to be. She makes lewd jokes, hangs out with the bad guys and sleeps around. You should wear your uniform like a belly shirt too."

"This is ludicrous! I'm not doing this!" Adrienne stood up, picking up her bag and ipod.

"You will all get a gun," Gina added.

Adrienne sat back down, "So, when do we get to Camp Green Lake then?"


	2. Bus Ride

Disclaimer

I do not own Holes. Too bad for me, huh?

"This is such bullshit," Trixie said, itching at the pink argyle sweater she was given to wear. "I fucking hate pink!"

"Pink is a good color on you," Greg frowned. "On me, though, it looks pretty bad."

"It looks pretty fucking gay, that's what it looks like!" Trixie retorted.

"Yeah, I'd say that you are a winter," Giorgio quipped, leaning on the back of Greg's bus seat.

"What does that fucking mean?"

"You know, in the eighties, you were a season… you know…. Well, I guess I was the only one who had the season book when I was a kid or watched I Love the 80's a million times," Giorgio tore off the letterman's jacket next. "God, that thing is hot! How do people wear those things? Especially sweaty people like jocks!"

Juliana leaned up from Adrienne's shoulder, "I would laugh at your jokes, Giorgio, but I am too tired. These clothes are really comfortable though."

"I'm not so comfortable, actually," Adrienne said bitterly. "You see, the amount of fabric that is on my body right now, is enough to make a sweater for a Chihuahua. I'm not so comfortable, yeah."

"You can wear the jacket," Giorgio offered. Adrienne took it with a thankful smile and put it on over the tiny white bikini top she had on and the even tinier white miniskirt.

"This is so degrading," Adrienne said, slumping in the letterman's jacket.

"Tell me about it. Gina sent a hairstylist to do my hair in cornrows. Cornrows! I don't do my hair in cornrows!" Alice said, staring at the huge gold necklace she had on. "I look like a rapper."

"I found a used condom when I put on these pair of pants, Alice. I look like a junkie," Tap frowned, getting up from the floor having checked it for wires or bombs.

"Then Gina did a good job, didn't she?" Adrienne said, still bitter. "We all look like what we are supposed to look like. Did anyone look at what they had done to get here yet?"

"We weren't supposed to open them until we were within fifty miles," Greg said, leaning his head over his seat next to Giorgio's.

"We're within fifty miles of nothing, I don't think it matters."

"Well, let's open them then," Alice said, opening the envelope that Gina had given her and tossing everyone their smaller envelopes with their names printed on them.

Juliana's simply hit her in the face because she had not registered any of the conversations. She shook out of her daze and picked up the envelope, quietly being informed by Adrienne that it was what she did. She nodded as Trixie counted to three so that everyone could open theirs at the same time. Everyone ripped open their envelopes on three and stared at what they had done.

"I went into the women's bathroom at Saks Fifth Avenue, assaulted a lady to get her make-up, put it on and danced around singing, 'I Feel Pretty,'" Greg said, his voice with no emotion in it.

"I, while drunk of course, climbed up on the football goalpost naked, yelled that I was king of the world, and got arrested for indecent exposure because it was in the middle of a high school football game," Giorgio chuckled slightly. "Well, that's interesting."

"I was caught with a cocaine hat… I wore a hat in public that was made of cocaine? Oh my god!" Tap crumpled up her paper and threw it.

"I went on a rampage in school, attacking every girl in skirts and cutting up said skirts with scissors," Juliana read drowsily. "Wow, I would never do that."

"Well, I shot a guy, no, wait, I 'popped a cap in his ass', sorry," Alice said, incredibly pissed. "I must have read it wrong."

"I, oh see I, I ran into a parked car, a parked Lincoln to be in fact, and got arrested for vandalism because my thick head caused a dent in the shape of Abraham Lincoln's head," Trixie scrunched up her nose. "Well, I'm a fucking idiot. A total fucking idiot."

"I would rather not share mine, actually, because it is really, really stupid. She is just doing this to me because last week her coffee was a little tiny bit too hot," Adrienne crossed her arms over her chest.

"Come on, I danced around in women's makeup," Greg said.

"I fucked a guy in a no-fucking zone," she said quietly.

"What?" Juliana shot up.

"I fucked a guy in a no-fucking zone."

"That's not a crime," Alice said, raising her eyebrows.

"Apparently it is because I'm supposed to be there for 18 months," Adrienne gave a small smile.

"I'm there for three," Giorgio said, reading off his paper. "Must have been no one at the game."

"I don't care. I'm in a pink shirt in the middle of nowhere, and I have to tell people that that was my crime," Greg said, upset to the fullest degree.

"I FUCKED A GUY IN A NO-FUCKING ZONE!" Adrienne yelled, making the bus driver turn. "I wasn't talking to you!"

"I hate Gina," Alice grimaced, narrowing her eyes.

"I hate my life," Greg added.

"I hate the sunlight," Juliana groaned. "Are we slowing down or am I dying?"

Tap placed her ear on the bus floor, "We're slowing down all right. Will be stopping in one minute."

"Oh my god, that means we actually have to act like these personas she gave us!" Adrienne covered her mouth in horror as she looked out the window. "Where's the lake?"

Greg pulled out the gun he had been given, "I don't care, I'm ending this now!"

He placed it in his mouth and everyone reached out and took it away, though he struggled. When the bus driver had stopped and gotten up to usher out the seven kids, he found the scene of the six other bus mates holding Greg down.

"Um… okay… this is the stop so… uh… leave," the bus driver said, obviously very freaked out.

"Shit," Trixie said under her breath.

"What did you say?" the bus driver asked.

"Um… chutes… chutes and ladders! Yeah! I love that game, and I was told that's what we do here! We play lots and lots of chutes and ladders! Cause it's camp, you know? The game…" Trixie gave up. "Yeah."

"Right…" the bus driver backed away, then turned around muttering, "Blonde" under his breath.

"Why do we have to be interns for spies?" Alice asked.

"They pay a lot," Juliana said, getting up from her seat and slinging her bag over her shoulder.

The rest of them agreed and they filed out. Adrienne had given back Giorgio's letterman's jacket and was thoroughly embarrassed, along with everyone else. A happy looking man raced up with a tall woman in an obvious black wig with him.

"Hello all of you, I'm Mr. Pendanski, and this is Ms. Gene," he motioned to the woman. "We'll show you around! Come then!"

He walked a little ahead with Ms. Gene still behind.

"Gina, I hate you," Adrienne said, narrowing her eyes.

"It's Ms. Gene, Adrienne! You can't be a spy if you are giving up secret identities!" Gina smiled and winked. "Also, you look like a whore!"

"Oh, thanks."

"Come on! You criminals need to learn discipline!"

Gina walked forward, giddy and obviously very rested.

"She took the private jet," Alice said under her breath.

"Yep," Juliana responded.

"Bitch," Trixie spat.

"Yep," Juliana responded again.

"Did I mention that I hate my life?" Greg said as the group got their first looks at Camp Green Lake.

"Yep," Juliana slightly smiled, grabbing his arm and leaning her head on his shoulder.


	3. Ms Gene's Mission

Disclaimer

Do I own Holes? No, I don't. I do own some mighty _fine_ writing skills though.

The group walked behind Gina, who kept fixing her wig when Mr. Pendanski was turned away from her, grumbling and muttering amongst themselves. Giorgio was the only one in a good mood. He had resolved that if this was his first mission, he was going to make it one hell of a mission. When he informed the others of that, they were not amused and Trixie pushed him into the dirt.

"Hey! You got my jacket dirty! I threw a lot of touchdowns for this thing!" he spat, getting up.

"I hate you," Greg said, rubbing his forehead as he had for the whole period of walking around the place.

"And this is Mr. Sir," Mr. Pendanski had stopped before a surly gentleman with a somewhat Elvis type haircut, complete with sideburns.

"That's right, Mr. Sir," he growled, spitting out sunflower seeds almost on Juliana's foot.

Juliana and Adrienne stepped back from where the sickly looking puddle of sunflower seeds and spit pooled before them.

"Well, that's disgusting," Juliana made a sickly face.

"What did you say?" Mr. Sir walked up and got into her face.

"Do you think I seriously remember what I just said when I woke up at one in the morning to come here?"

"Look, _girlie_, I don't deal with girls. This is a boys' camp, and I'm here to deal with boys. Just because the warden let you in does not mean that I have to be nice to you. You will be treated the same as everyone else, and you will _not_ disrespect me!" he growled.

"Could you yell at us after you take a breath mint?" Adrienne asked, covering her mouth. "I mean, you aren't even in my face, and I can smell it."

"Bad idea, Adrienne," Greg whispered.

"Oh yeah? Have fun digging your first two holes tomorrow, _girlie_," Mr. Sir smirked.

"Oh, so we are all 'girlie' then because we are girls? All right then, I will have lots of fun," Adrienne gave a slight smile.

Mr. Sir spit a wad of sunflower seeds on Adrienne's chest and stalked off, obviously happy with himself. Gina gave her far away smile.

"Mr. Sir is wonderful, isn't he?" she queried dreamily.

"Ms. Gene, would you like to explain to them their uniforms?" Mr. Pendanski asked, stepping away from the disgusted Adrienne.

"What? Oh, yeah, yeah, um… you get two of these ugly orange things. One for work and one for leisure, or something like that…. I don't know. I wasn't listening when this was all explained to me," Gina said, almost dropping the orange jumpsuits on the ground before Alice quickly caught them. "Should I show them to their tent then?" she asked Mr. Pendanski.

"Yes, thank you, Ms. Gene," he smiled.

She walked off without another word leading the group away. Tap whipped a Kleenex out of her pocket and handed it to Adrienne to get the sunflower seeds off her chest. Adrienne thanked her with a nod just as Gina started to talk.

"Kudos, Giorgio, for acting your part. The rest of you, you all suck. You look the part, but you don't act it! Adrienne, you are not the rebel! The first person who should be getting two holes to dig is Tap. Juliana, you still walk like a girl. Look at Giorgio for tips on walking like a boy," Gina lectured, leading the way between tents.

"She can look at me," Greg spoke up, annoyed.

"We would do that if she had a problem walking like a girl, not a guy."

"I don't walk like a girl!"

"Right. Greg, you should have asked if these jumpsuits come in any colors. I am disappointed that you didn't."

"Gina, we can't do this. We are nothing like these stereotypes that you gave us," Alice walked forward next to Gina. "Can't we just do the mission as ourselves?"

"NO! I am appalled that you asked that and you must never question Spies Incorporated methods again!" Gina shouted, getting strange looks from a group of boys leaning on their shovels outside a tent.

"Fine. But may I inquire what are mission is?"

"That question I am not appalled about. You all are to break out D-tent in a manner that will make their lawyers suspicious and thus get this place investigated and shut down," she smiled.

"How are we supposed to do that?" Trixie asked, grinding her teeth trying not to curse.

"Here's your tent! I hope to see you all bright and early tomorrow!" Gina left with that, laughing to herself.

"Who is D-tent!" Alice yelled after her, but she didn't respond.

"Oh, I hate that woman," Greg narrowed his eyes in a glare.

"But at least she looks really stupid in that wig, huh?" Giorgio asked, knocking Greg on the shoulder.

"Come on, girlies, let's practice our personas," Juliana smiled, holding open the tent flap.

"And look for cameras!" Tap exclaimed, walking into the tent.

The others shook their heads and walked in, equally agreeing that they wished they had just worked at McDonald's.


	4. Elvis love muffin

Disclaimer

I do not own Holes. I do not dig holes. I do not like holes. But I do like books about holes, so we have that.

The group of amateur spies slept on their cots with their mouths wide open and drool pooling under said open mouths. They had not found the boys of D-tent the day before, but they had made a plan to kill Gina in the most painful way possible. Unfortunately, that meant that all of their fellow campers thought that they were both insane and murderers. After Greg attacked one boy, who called him a 'fairy princess,' with a fork, no other campers seemed to want anything to do with them. Alice felt that this was not a good sign. Tap felt that it was a conspiracy.

Gina wandered through the darkness, feeling that it was much too early to be walking anywhere, but her determination kept her going. She looked at her watch with disdain: 5:30. Who wakes up at 5:30? Interns. Interns wake up at 5:30. Bosses wake up said interns and then go back to sleep. Gina clutched her blow horn with a smile. How great it was to be a boss and not an intern.

She walked into the tent with her slack jawed interns sleeping soundly and promptly blew the blow horn, "WAKE UP KIDDIES!"

"Holy Mother of Jesus," Trixie yelped, falling out of bed.

"Holy Mother of Jesus?" Juliana raised an eyebrow. "We've only been here for a day and you aren't cursing anymore?"

"Hey, that's what I say when I am surprised. I can't fucking help it," Trixie said as she got up and rubbed the drool and dirt off her face.

"I need coffee!" Alice muttered, who unsuccessfully tried to sit up but fell back down again.

"Enough talking, more getting up and digging. You must start early to get done in time to talk to D-tent!" Gina exclaimed enthusiastically.

Greg muttered something along the lines of, "Hang you from a tree by your own intestines" as he got up and changed into his jumpsuit. Gina patted him on the back, congratulated him on his enthusiasm and left, ready to get back to sleep. The whole group sat there for a moment staring after her, bleary eyed and unable to comprehend what was going on. Suddenly, Greg lurched for his gun, ready to blow Gina away and muttering something like, "I'll kill the bitch and her little wig too!" The whole group sprang into action, tackling him to make sure he didn't kill the bitch and her little wig too. Though the wig was so atrocious looking that it did need to put out of its misery.

The group walked to the "Library," which had been quite the disappointment when they all found out only shovels were there and not books, not entirely ready for what they had to do. Adrienne couldn't remember her name, let alone that she had to dig two holes, so the prospect that she would get done before D-tent, whoever the hell they were, was not a good one. Greg hadn't regained his sanity yet, so the prospect that he would not kill someone was also not a good one. All in all, the whole idea that such sheltered individuals should be at a camp to dig holes to "build character" was another not good prospect.

They all walked to where they were to dig holes. Juliana started to think about how she couldn't remember her name the day before, and now Adrienne was in her position. Mr. Sir was terrorizing a couple kids about something or another, and did not notice them at first. Once he did though, his face ruminated in an evil smile, which remained there until he had assigned them places to dig. He spit on Adrienne's shoes as he left, though she had no idea what a hole was at that moment. She stared at her feet for a moment, suddenly comprehending everything.

"Ooh, this sucks," she said quietly.

"Yep," Juliana answered as she stood on the blade of her shovel to try to get it into the ground. "What is with this ground?"

"It's hard as a rock. It doesn't rain here," a male's voice said.

The whole group turned around to see a black boy with bottle lens glasses. Adrienne looked up from her shoes, contemplating what was going on again. Juliana was even more confused. She leaned on the end of her shovel and did not wobble at all from the stable base of hard, rock dirt that her shovel was stuck in.

"Well, thanks for that, sir," Alice answered with a sneer.

The whole group knew that Alice got quite nasty without her morning coffee. Well, until she didn't need the coffee anymore.

Giorgio whispered in her ear silently, "Sound blacker."

"Shut up, Giorgio, no one asked you," Alice growled, plunging her shovel into the dirt and throwing out a large chunk.

"Ooh, what a bi…" Trixie started before Tap stepped on her foot in warning. "I mean, a uh… bumbling bumblebee. Bumbling… yeah… so, digging, should get to that."

"What a blonde," a boy, who had already started digging his hole and a hat and towel on his head, said to the amusement of the black boy and four others. A small boy with the group didn't speak at all. Tap eyed him suspiciously, wondering if he was in on the secret

"Okay, wait, I have no idea what is going on right now. I figured out why I was a shovel for a moment, and then I forgot, and now I'm trying to figure out where the hell I am and who you people are. I think I may have missed something," Adrienne said with her eyebrows slightly raised.

Juliana looked at her hand, "Holes, something about holes. See, I wrote it on my hand so that I would remember. Also there's something about keeping Greg from any kind of weapon, but I think I already knew that."

"I'm utterly confused," Adrienne continued, addressing the boy with the towel hat on his head. "Why do you have a towel on your head? And who are the rest of you anyway? Two days ago, I was at home, finishing my application to Yale…." suddenly, she had an epiphany. "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."

"Yale?" A boy with crazy hair asked. "Yale is for the future assassins of America."

Alice stopped digging and blinked her eyes, "What?"

"Ooh, sassy," Giorgio smiled as he too his whack at his hole.

The boys laughed and the boy with the glasses walked up to him.

"So, you all are the new campers then?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"We are, yes," Alice answered for Giorgio, who was absolutely giddy to have someone laugh at his joke. "And you?"

"We are the boys of D-tent," he answered, getting in her face.

"Holy fuck! You are all D-tent?" Trixie broke out and everyone looked at her. "Uh… did I say 'fuck,' because I meant falafel. I got confused by the situation… because I am blonde… and stupid… and uh… confuse easily… or something…. Yeah, hole. Hole needs to be dug now and I will shut up… right."

"Oh shit!" Adrienne covered her mouth in horror. "Shit shit shit!"

"Hey, if you can't cuss, I can't!" Trixie yelped.

"But Adrienne is a whore, so thus, she can cuss all she wants," Tap smiled. "As can I. See? Fucking shovel piece of shit fuck bitch fuck fuckity fuck shit um… crap."

Greg's eye twitched slightly as he held his shovel. He had not moved an inch since he was told where to dig. Juliana started to jump on her shovel to try to get it into the ground. She was successful in getting it further in the ground, but unfortunately, she was also successful in lodging it in such a way that she both fell over and had no way to get it out. Adrienne had not regained her composure yet because she knew that she blew her cover a little bit. Giorgio noticed the struggling of his fellow interns and decided to save them the best he could.

"Well, we are C-tent, as you already know, and we are quite the characters. Yesterday we had to get acquainted, and it all did not work out, let me tell you," Giorgio smiled, stepping before Alice, who nearly smashed her shovel into his skull. "I'm Giorgio, and this is the crew. Adrienne over there has a problem with lying unless it comes to her sexual escapades. Tap is a little loony because of all the drugs she has taken. Greg is… Greg. Alice is a total bitch without her coffee, but with it, she is quite laid back. Trixie, as we all can tell, is a blonde of the stupidest and random kind. Sorry Trix. Juliana, well, Juliana is just one of the guys, though she is lovably klutzy. Did I miss anyone? No. No, I think not."

The boy with glasses held out his hand for a handshake, "As I said, we are D-tent. I'm X-Ray, towel head over there is Squid."

"Hey," Squid nodded.

"The crazy guy over there is Zigzag," Zigzag did not respond. X-Ray motioned to a large black boy. "That's Armpit."

"Hello," he called, raising his arm and nearly knocking out a smaller, but still big, boy digging next to him.

"The one who almost passed out is Caveman. The small one next to him is Zero. Magnet is the one over there leaning on his shovel," a Mexican boy waved slightly, still leaning on his shovel. X-Ray smiled. "So that's us."

"We don't have nicknames yet. Well, except Tap, but Tap came with Tap," Giorgio shrugged.

"Don't worry, we'll show you the ropes," X-Ray answered. "Since you are all new, I think we can name you all."

Alice sprung forward. "Well thank you, X-Ray, but we are fine. In fact, we need to get to digging our holes, if you don't mind. Adrienne has to dig two and she hasn't even…" Alice turned to motion to Adrienne, but Adrienne was already knee deep in a hole. "What the hell, Adrienne?"

She looked up, wiping dirt off her face, "What? Oh, right, the hole thing. I guess I'm just good with my hands. Just ask my past boyfriends. I am _good _with my hands," she winked with a raunchy smile. "Go on with the yelling, dear."

Alice narrowed her eyes and turned back to X-Ray, "Anyway, as I was saying…"

"We'll call her Brazen. She reminds me of a brazen hussy," X-Ray nodded toward Adrienne.

Adrienne looked up from her hole, "Hey, I'm no hussy. I'm a certified slut."

Alice's lips became very thin in her anger, "You will not name any of my tent mates!"

"Aye, aye Captain!" Squid called.

"Hey, that's funny!" Giorgio laughed, digging into his hole. "You are such a captain, Alice. A captain of _soul_."

"Shut up, jock strapped idiot!" Alice shouted.

Trixie burst out laughing, nearly tripping into her hole, "Jock strap is funny!"

"You have to be called Jock Strap now," X-Ray laughed.

"Well, cool," Trixie smiled.

"We are digging our holes now, so excuse us," Alice gave a fake smile, dug a chunk out of her hole and tossed it to nearly hit X-Ray in the face.

He rolled his eyes and went to his hole, with Squid and Armpit laughing at him. C-tent and D-tent were all digging and generally having a somewhat good time, for some strange reason. Adrienne started telling lewd jokes and Juliana started to act like one of the guys. The personas were actually working. Greg, however, still had not moved by the time Adrienne had finished her first hole and went to sit in between Squid's and X-Ray's to wait for Mr. Sir to assign her where to dig her next hole. The three were chatting about the double standard with girls and guys about sex. Adrienne was of course making everything up, but so was everyone else.

Greg blinked his eyes for the first time and spoke loudly, "I'm flamboyantly gay."

Adrienne, Squid and X-Ray turned to look at him and said, "What?" at the same time.

Greg looked toward them blankly, blinked again and broke out of his trance in a high, womanly voice. "I'm gay. I want everyone to know. I like pink and I love Cher. I am gay and I don't care who knows it!"

"Hold on, Rosie O' Donnell, what the heck are you talking about?" Juliana looked out of her hole.

X-Ray burst out laughing, "Rosie! Your name is Rosie!"

"You can call me whatever you want, honey," Greg winked.

Armpit laughed at X-Ray's pale face, "Ooh, looks like X-Ray has a girlfriend!"

Then the whole group laughed and Greg broke into the dirt. When Mr. Sir came with the water truck, he was surprised at how well the new tent had done and quite dismayed that Adrienne had already finished one hole. Once all the holes were done, C-tent and D-tent walked over to the wreck room, instantly friends. Alice even warmed up, though that was because Magnet stole some coffee for her.

Gina, however, was having quite the problem wooing Mr. Sir and keeping her wig from starting on fire.


	5. Fire Wig

Disclaimer

I do not own Holes, which is unfortunate.

Gina frowned at herself in the mirror when she woke up after waking up her interns. Is that a wrinkle? Oh my god! Is that a gray hair! She rubbed her hands over her face in horror.

"I'm getting old, Mr. Mirror. Why can't you lie to me like everyone else!" she frowned, breathing in. Then she remembered that she was still wearing her wig.

Her frown faded, and she instantly became rejuvenated. She had to find Mr. Sir now because she was young and sexy. She also smelled damn nice in her mind, though it was a known fact that she smelled like a skunk sprayed by tacky perfume. She took another deep breath, smiled and walked out of her tent to meet Mr. Pendanski.

"What do you want?" she asked with no interest at all. "Where is Mr. Sir?"

"Well, I wanted to discuss C-tent with you," Mr. Pendanski smiled.

"That doesn't tell me where Mr. Sir is," the frown resurfaced.

"I don't know. He is giving water to the kids. He's really a very disgusting guy. A lady like you should not associate with him."

"A lady like me should not associate with losers with sunscreen on their nose either. You know that that makes your skin burn more, right? Anyway, you are boring. I'm finding Mr. Sir."

"Wait, Ms. Gene, I really do need to talk to you about C-tent," Mr. Pendanski grabbed her arm to keep her from walking away.

She pulled it away as if his touch were fire. "Hey! I did not say that you could touch me! All right, what is it about C-tent that I must know?"

"I don't think that they are… how to say this… well suited for this camp."

"What do you mean? They are suited!"

"I mean, I don't think that they are actually criminals. I've seen countless juvenile delinquents, and I don't think that they are. One of them told me 'thank you' yesterday! None of the kids I have met do that. Well, Stanley might but…"

"You are boring, dude! I am bored by you so get to the point!"

"They are good kids. I don't know how they got here, but they don't belong here."

Gina grabbed him by the front of his shirt and growled, "You say anything like that to me or anyone else again, and I will make sure that your body is never found, Pendanski. Understand?"

"Yeah," he squeaked.

"Good. Well, have a nice day!" she set him down, wondering where Mr. Sir was.

She wandered around for a good half an hour, sometimes terrorizing children at intervals, but most of the time was searching for her "Elvis love muffin," as she liked to call Mr. Sir. Sure, she hadn't called him that yet, and she was sure that he wouldn't like it, but she liked the way it sounded in her mind, and that's all that counts.

Then she heard it: the stomp of his footsteps and the familiar sound of spitting. She gazed ahead of her, more ahead of her than the general vicinity, and saw Mr. Sir scowling and stuffing sunflower seeds in his mouth.

"MR. SIR!" Gina cried as she ran to him.

He raised an eyebrow slightly, "Yeah?"

"How are you today? Do you want to come to my tent and have some hot sex?" she asked, getting a little bit over excited.

He nearly choked on the seeds, "What?"

"Oh, forget it. Aren't kids annoying? It makes you just want to kick them, right?"

"Um… sure."

"Come on, kick the kid? That would be a great game!"

"Right. I need to go talk to the warden now, so if you don't mind…" Mr. Sir tried to get past her, obviously uncomfortable.

"Oh, yeah. Right. Well, I'll see you later then!"

"I doubt it."

And the stomping stomped away. Fast. Gina adjusted her wig and frowned. That didn't work out quite right. She continued frowning, though she had gotten over the situation, when she felt her head being hotter than usual. She reached to adjust her wig when she felt the burning sensation of fire on her head. She pulled back her hand fast and ran around screaming. A boy, who had been sent to CGL for being a pyromaniac, watched as the small fire grew from Gina's manic movements. The next thing Gina knew, she was wet and still very hot.

"You owe me, Gina," Juliana said as she closed her canteen. "That was the last of my water."

Gina adjusted her wet, floppy and singed wig, turned her heel, and walked away without a thank you. She could have handled it. She could have handled it _just fine._


	6. Mission Impossible

Disclaimer

I don't own Holes. Let's leave it at that.

Juliana stared down at her canteen, wishing she hadn't wasted the rest of her water. She sighed and wiggled in her seat, then sighed again.

"That's it! I'm moving!" Trixie yelped, making Magnet sit next to Juliana instead.

Adrienne stared down at her fingernails, digging out the dirt in them with a fork, "Do you want the rest of my water, Jules? I'm not…"

Juliana snatched Adrienne's canteen and chugged the rest of the water down. Adrienne didn't look up and Alice didn't react, but the rest of the group stared at her in astonishment.

"That was awesome," Armpit breathed.

Juliana burped, "Hey, that was nothing. If you would have seen when Alice and Adrienne both chugged Rockstars because I dared them to, you would know the meaning of awesome."

"Wait, you three knew each other before?" Squid turned to Adrienne, who had looked up.

"Um… well… about that…" Adrienne started, looking for answers on anyone's face that wasn't hers.

"It was on the bus ride here, a'ight? Home girl Tap snuck it in," Alice said, now having a bandana tied around her head.

"Huh," Squid frowned, and then put his arm around Adrienne's waist.

X-Ray narrowed his eyes behind his glasses, "Why are you talking like that, Captain?"

"It's the way I talk," Alice broke out of character.

"You aren't like that."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

Alice glared at him for a moment and snarled, "You don't know me."

Then she got up, ready to leave, and tried to do the Z snap. Unfortunately, Alice was never a good snapper, and it all turned out wrong. She stomped away anyway, with Adrienne and Juliana close behind, and hid her shame until she got back to the tent.

"God! I couldn't even do a Z snap! That was pathetic!" Alice threw herself onto her cot.

"Yeah, but it was funny. The flailing trying to snap in a z… hilarious," Juliana said as she sat down on Alice's cot.

"I need to take a shower, seriously! Did you see what that Squid guy did? Totally touched my waist! No one does that! No one! Totally popped my personal space bubble," Adrienne frowned histrionically, trying to get Alice to laugh.

Alice looked up with a smile, "Yeah, well, that X-Ray guy nearly blew my cover!"

"That Magnet guy is cute," Juliana smiled.

Adrienne and Alice laughed out loud at her lovesick face with Alice nearly rolling off her cot.

"Why are you laughing? You don't laugh! You are oppressed!" a familiar voice said.

All the girls turned to their visitor with a groan, "Hello, Gina."

Gina walked in, closing the flap of the tent, "Yes, hello. Look, all of you are doing a horrible job at breaking out D-tent and generally defaming the name of Camp Green Lake so I have thought up a plan."

"Great," Adrienne said under her breath, making Alice and Juliana fight back laughter.

"You all know that scene in _Mission Impossible_ when Tom Cruise is hanging down on a wire to get some thing that I don't remember and he looks really hot? Well, I figured since you are all trying to be spies, you could do that too, except, you know, without the hotness factor. So, tonight when everyone is asleep, Alice, you will hook yourself to the ceiling of the kitchen and put something in the food to make everyone sick. That has to close this place down!"

"We could do that without the uh… Tom Cruise thing, I think," Adrienne said.

"Yeah, and he's crazy anyway, so why would we want to do anything he did?" Juliana frowned.

"He is crazy with love for Katie Holmes! He wasn't crazy then!" Gina threw up her arms.

"Sure."

"Just do it. I expect everyone sick tomorrow, you got me? Good."

With that, Gina swept out of the room.

"Dawg, I ain't doin' shit!" Alice screamed and went back to her cot, making Adrienne and Juliana laugh.

"Oy, this sucks ass," Adrienne said on the top of the kitchen roof as Alice put on her wires.

"Yep," Juliana answered, fingering a vial that Gina had thrust into her hands when she and Adrienne had gone back to the wreck room.

Alice looked up, looking very much the spy in her black jumpsuit and wires hanging off of her, "I don't feel good about this."

"Why?" Adrienne laid back.

"These wires are faulty! They are going to break, and I am going to die. I didn't even get to visit Harvard!"

"You don't want to go to Harvard."

"But I do want to visit."

"Okay."

"Just do it, Alice. I want to go. I'm tired from that digging," Juliana insisted.

"I'm going!" Alice said forcefully, nabbing the vial from Juliana, and jumped into the kitchen from its skylight.

The girls didn't know why there was a skylight in such a deadbeat place. When they told their other interns, Greg suggested it was for quick escapes. Trixie said it was for something obscene. Giorgio hadn't been listening because he was sending text messages. Tap had been given sleeping pills by Gina because she was annoying.

As soon as Alice was in the kitchen, she was reminded of her fear of heights. She went down slowly to a pot of simmering something that both looked and smelled disgusting. She opened the vial, ready to pour it in when she heard a noise from outside of the kitchen.

"Guys, is that you?" she called up.

She heard a hissed, "Shut up," and realized it wasn't them.

She froze, hoping she would not be caught. She heard footsteps trail away from the kitchen and she sighed in relief. Unfortunately, the sigh was it for the wire holding her up. She catapulted into the pot and made a horribly loud noise in the process. Adrienne and Juliana peered down.

"Alice! You aren't supposed to get in it!" Adrienne hissed.

"The wire gave out!" Alice called up.

"Is it hot?" Juliana asked worriedly.

"Was the food we ate today hot?"

"No."

"Then no, it's not. It's just slimy and gross and…. OH MY GOD! SOMETHING IS CRAWLING ALL OVER ME!"

"Shut up, Alice!" Adrienne reinstated the hiss.

"Who's in there?" a male voice called into the kitchen.

"Pull me up!" Alice called up.

"The wire gave out," Adrienne said.

"It's still connect but the up-down thing broke," Juliana informed.

"Dude, really, pull me up."

"What up-down thing?"

"The up-down thing!"

"Pull. Me. Up!"

"I don't know what that means!"

"It like… helped her go down and up? Like a controller thing."

"PULL ME UP NOW!"

Adrienne and Juliana looked down, thrown out of their argument. Then they remembered and started pulling Alice up. She had just gotten onto the roof when they heard footsteps inside and laughter from the sight of the food spilled all over. Obviously, it wasn't Mr. Sir who had found them, or any other adult of authority.

Adrienne poured water on Alice's head so that she could get clean, and she put on one of the orange jumpsuits so no one would see her "spy clothes." Then they got off the roof and ran to their tent.

Greg sat up, "How did it go?"

"Gina is not going to be happy," Alice frowned.

"Ooh, that sucks."

"Shut the fuck up! I'm trying to god damn sleep!" Trixie said into her pillow.

The four all looked at each other, sighed, and went to their cots to sleep.

_Well, this chapter kind of sucked, but I was stuck and I had to post, so here it is. Review if you feel like it, if not, don't. I don't much care. I don't need any reviewers to tell me I'm awesome; I already know. I kid, I kid. Anyway, yay for that! Also, thanks to agentkibbles for the kind words. I like kind words. And cookies. Someone can give me cookies if they want to. _


	7. Letters and Suspicions

Disclaimer

I don't own Holes. I thought we already got that figured out.

Dear Mom,

Do you think I am feminine? Do I seem gay to you? I'm sorry that this is what I say in my letter, but seriously, do I seem gay? It's really bothering me and everyone else just laughs.

_Send Brownies,_

_Greg._

_Dear Mother Dearest,_

_Did you know that you can pop a blister that is a blister on a popped blister? Who knew! I didn't. I hope that Dad isn't too worried. I am not being molested so do tell him that. Also, did I happen to receive an envelope from Yale? If it is a big envelope, be sure to send it. If it is a small envelope, tell me I didn't get anything or I will be very sad, and I will cry, and everyone will make fun of me. We don't want that now, right? Right. I miss you, Dad and Gina. Remind Ada to keep away from my CDs and my ipod. Remember, Yale envelope. _

_Lots of love,_

_Adrienne._

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_I have written to inform you that I am doing wonderful at camp. The lake is an amazing sight. It is gorgeous. Father would love to bring his boat on it. I have even gotten a tan! I'm excited about it. I miss you all and I love you._

_Sincerely,_

_Alice._

_Dad,_

_This place fucking sucks, and I hate it._

_Trixie._

_Dear family,_

_I am writing in code so that I cannot be traced. The elephant is on the high wire and the gravy tastes like French toast. I would like to dance with a chicken. Kids do not taste like raw meat. Hate is a virtue._

_Killing you softly,_

_Tap_

_Dear Glenn,_

_I miss you! You must write me lots and lots of long letters! My cell phone died so we can't talk anymore. : ( Did you like the sad face? It is really, very sad. I miss you lots! _

_Love,_

_Giorgio_

_p.s. You are STILL loony!_

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_How are you? I'm doing relatively well. I hate this place and Gina, but I am actually doing all right. Adrienne and Alice send their love. I'm not going to tell you what Trixie did. She has not stopped being lewd since we got here. But that's why we love Trixie, so no one minds. I hope to be home before Christmas. I don't know if I will with how everything is going, but I hope to. Also, when I do get home, never make me dig a hole again! I hate looking at them. I hate digging them. Adrienne and I are having a competition on blisters. Anyway, I should go. We are going to play pool! Just think, me playing pool. It's so weird!_

_Write soon,_

_Juliana._

_Dear Mr. Bossman,_

_These interns are not keeping up with their tasks! They are worse than those interns who started themselves on fire! I swear to heaven above, sometimes I just want to choke them. They don't listen and this one is ALWAYS sassing me. I think we should have them killed when this is all done. In addition, I would like to ask if the love potion we were trying to concoct is ready for use on humans yet. If it is, I need some sent here stat. If it is not, send some anyway and I'll test it on that Pendanski loser. _

_I have sent the files in a different envelope._

_Gina._

_p.s. The Warden is a bitch. I say we should have her killed too._

­­­ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You wrote a letter to Glenn?" Juliana asked Giorgio as the group sat in their tent eating some string cheese Tap had stashed away. "What about your parents?"

Giorgio looked through a Sports Illustrated, "They went on safari. Hey, Adrienne, would you wear this bathing suit?"

Adrienne looked at the magazine to see a skimpy black bikini, "Not if hell froze over and Lance Armstrong grew wheels."

"Heh, Lance Armstrong with wheels," Alice giggled with her pillow on her face.

"Maybe he can run Sheryl Crow over," Trixie bit off a chunk of string cheese.

"Oh, that's mean," Alice continued giggling.

"Hey, I hate that bitch," Trixie frowned.

"Safari? Your parents went on safari without you?" Juliana asked Giorgio who was holding the Sports Illustrated up like it was a penthouse.

"Oh my god. If I was straight, I swear to…." he looked over to see Juliana giving him a death glare. "Safari… right…. Well, I went on safari not too long ago with them and hated it, so they decided that they would do that for the family trip because they loved it. No biggie."

Tap crawled out from under Alice's cot with her surveillance glasses on and crawled under Greg's. Greg's pencil stopped doodling Gina's impalement on a shovel as he realized what had just happened. Juliana continued to argue with Giorgio, who would sometimes ask Adrienne if she would wear some god awful bathing suit.

"What are you doing, Tap?" Greg asked, thumping on his cot.

Tap came out from under it, "I'm checking for grenades."

Giorgio turned from Juliana's frown, "Who said grenade?"

Alice shot up, "Grenade?"

Tap looked around manically, "Grenade? Where is grenade?"

"There is no grenade, Tap. There is not going to be a grenade at Camp Greenlake, nor in our tent, so kindly get away from my cot," Greg said reproachfully.

"Shut up, Greg! I'm just looking out for everyone's well being!" Tap argued.

"There are no grenades, Tap!"

"I bet that there are!"

"Wait one minute, I just realized that we are eating string cheese, and we are in an incredibly hot place. How is this string cheese not all mushy and uneatable?" Adrienne frowned at the string cheese she held in her hand.

"I cryogenically froze it when I was nine," Tap said.

Trixie tossed her string cheese away immediately. Juliana shot up, dropping hers like it was poison. Adrienne stared at hers for a second, wrapped it back up in its wrapper and scooted it away from her. Alice sat up calmly, having finished hers shortly after she had gotten it and ingested two more since then.

"Excuse me, I have to go puke now," she said, walking out of the tent.

"What? They are still good!" Tap shrugged.

"Shut up, Tap," Greg rolled his eyes and went back to his drawing.

Alice puked in the closest hole she could find. The sound of an angry reptile came back up to her after she did so, so she ran away from the hole as fast as she could. She stopped running at about the showers and considered taking one. Then she remembered oh yeah, she's at a boys' camp, and there was no way in hell that she would be put in that position. Good old disinfecting wipes are better than a shower any day.

"Yo, Captain!" a voice called behind her.

She continued staring at the showers, not feeling quite in the mood to move.

"Captain, aren't you going to acknowledge me?" X-ray suddenly stood before her, but she didn't flinch. He waved his hand before her face. "Hello, Captain? Anyone home?"

She grabbed his arm, "Stop."

He smiled and took back his arm, "Wow, you are quick!"

She rolled her eyes, "What do you want exactly…" she remembered her persona, "Dawg?"

"Why do you do that?"

"Why do I do what, brotha?"

"You did it again!"

"What in the shiznit did I do!"

"That!"

"What?"

"You aren't black!"

"Dude, do you not see my skin color," she caught herself. "for shizzle… or something."

"It's fo' shizzle, actually."

"I am not having this conversation right now," she rolled her eyes and started to walk away.

"Wait, Captain! Captain! Captain! STOP WALKING ALREADY!"

"Nope," she called, not stopping.

He appeared in front of her again and held her shoulders so that she would keep still, "I need to talk to you."

She narrowed her eyes, "Why?"

"I need to understand what is with your tent."

"What do you mean, 'with my tent'?"

"I mean why do you all act like you are different people than you are?"

"I'm not following."

"You know, you're different."

"Still not getting it."

"I know you don't talk street. I know that Jock Strap isn't a dumb blonde, and I'm starting to think Brazen is not really a brazen hussy after all."

Alice kept her cool, although she didn't know quite what to do, "Are you done?"

"Yes."

"Well, let me inform you, brotha', that dat is who we be, a'ight?" she inwardly cringed at how horrible and rehearsed that sounded. "I'll just be going now."

"I'm not letting you go until you answer me honestly," he stayed put.

"Look over there! Mr. Sir in a bikini!" Alice pointed in the other direction. X-Ray looked, and she ran away as fast as she could, which was fast because she was the captain of the track team.

X-Ray frowned, "I have no idea why I just fell for that. I would be scarred for life if I saw that."

Gina ran by quick, looking around like a madwoman, "Where is Mr. Sir in a bikini? Where?"

With that, X-Ray decided that he was not going to think anymore and walked to the wreck room to talk to Squid.

_I like letters. Yay for letters! X-Ray is very perceptive, I guess. It's going to be hard to keep fooling him, but I'm sure I will think of something. Or I'll stop writing altogether. I do kind of have a writer's block for the next chapter. Thanks to Celtic Cross, crazygurl86 and Nosilla for reviewing. All reviews are appreciated and welcome. So review everyone! Kthnx._


	8. UTTER CHAOS, kind of

Disclaimer

Do not own Holes. Cannot make proper sentences. Brain hurts.

Alice skidded into her tent breathing hard and looking manic.

"Uh… hello, Alice. Recently ran a marathon?" Giorgio asked.

"X-Ray knows!" Alice blurted out.

"He knows what?"

"How to woo our fair Alice?" Adrienne smiled wide.

"He _knows_."

"He knows what?"

"I was actually kidding about the wooing thing. You don't have to get all apprehensive about it."

"You don't understand the seriousness of this! He knows!"

"He knows what!"

"I understand the seriousness, but I don't understand the situation."

"HE KNOWS!"

"WHAT DOES HE KNOW?"

"I think we are kind of having a run around here."

Gina burst into the tent with the same manic look.

Alice turned to her, "Oh thank god."

"WHERE IS MR. SIR IN A BIKINI?" Gina yelped.

The tent became silent as every eyebrow raised. Greg inched toward his gun, but Tap slapped his hand.

"Will someone kindly blind me before Mr. Sir in a bikini is found?" Adrienne said silently.

"Gina, X-Ray knows," Alice restated.

"X-Ray doesn't know! I just ran by him, and I still don't have Mr. Sir in a bikini," Gina stomped her feet in irritation.

"You aren't ever going to have Mr. Sir in a bikini," Trixie commented.

"No, not about that! He knows about us! He knows that we are faking!" Alice yelled.

"Ooh, that's no good," Giorgio frowned.

Gina froze, obviously thinking, "Well, I guess we have to kill him then."

"No!" Alice said immediately. Everyone stared at her for her abrupt outburst. "That might cause more suspicion, you know."

"Right," Juliana narrowed her eyes, and Adrienne laughed.

"He must have rigged our tent with cameras," Tap shrugged. "That's the only way he can know."

"Shut up, loony bin. All right, we have to step this up! Giorgio, Adrienne, I want you two to make out in the wreck room. Tap, I want you to start something on fire. Alice, do an impromptu rap. Trixie, say something stupid. Greg, hit on Caveman."

"What?" Greg's eyebrows nearly disappeared in his hairline.

"Why would he do that? Caveman isn't gay," Giorgio asked.

"Caveman is the most feminine of the group," Gina said matter-of-factly. "Have you seen his dainty little hands?"

"This is it! I'm not doing any of this anymore! I _refuse_ to be humiliated this way!" Greg stood up, raising his fist in protest.

"Yeah, and plus, gay guys don't hit on guys who aren't gay. It's just like a girl won't hit on a guy who obviously isn't interested," Giorgio added.

"That's not always true," Trixie smiled. "Look at Juliana and Magnet."

"Hey! I haven't been flirting with him!" Juliana broke in.

"Oh, but you want to, but he is not having it."

"Shut up, Trixie!"

"You shut up, Juliana."

"Both of you shut up. You aren't saying anything of substance anyway!" Gina yelped. "Okay, Giorgio, Adrienne get started on that making out. The rest of you, do what I say. Juliana, find Mr. Sir in a bikini."

With that, Gina swooped out. Adrienne looked over at Giorgio.

"Well, let's get this over with then," Adrienne said, taking his hand and leading him out of the tent.

"Oh goody! My first girl kiss!" Giorgio smiled.

"Why don't I get a mission?" Juliana frowned as she followed the others out of the tent.

Alice didn't respond as she was writing a rap down. Juliana nudged her in the shoulder, and she swatted her away. Greg gave Juliana a sour look.

"Don't look at me like that!" Juliana snapped.

Greg retorted, "I will look at you however I damn well please!"

"What is with you, Greggy? You were so sweet before and now you are a total bitch," Trixie slung her arms around Greg's shoulders, which made him smile wide.

"I'll always be sweet for you, Trixie," he answered.

"Ew, gag," Juliana rolled her eyes and ran forward to Adrienne, who was discussing where Giorgio's hands were off limits.

"You can have them on the thigh, but I don't want any hands on or near my chest," she told him matter of factly.

"Look, I have no interest to feel you up, Adrienne. I want your hands to steer clear of my lower section, all right?" Giorgio answered, slightly perturbed.

"Agreed then."

"Agreed."

"So, Adrienne, did you send a letter to _Cecil_?" Juliana asked, wanting to be involved in the conversation.

Alice instantly started laughing, "Heh, Cecil."

Adrienne rolled her eyes, "No, I have not sent a letter to him."

"And why is that? _Cecil_ isn't good enough for you?" Juliana laughed.

"His name is not funny, Juliana! He is a good guy and a good boyfriend no matter what his name is!" Adrienne snapped.

"Yeah, except he's totally in love with Beatrice Banks," Tap reported.

"I know. Our relationship is a sham, but I still do like Cecil…."

Juliana and Alice burst out laughing yelping, "Cecil," through their tears. Adrienne rolled her eyes again and dragged Giorgio to the wreck room.

"She broke up with Cecil," Tap said after she had gone.

"Heh, Cecil…. Wait, what?" Juliana looked to Tap with concern.

"She broke up with him. I heard her on the phone last night."

"Whose phone?"

"Um… I think it was hers."

"Wait one minute, Adrienne and Cecil," she snorted and went on, "have been dating for a while. Nothing was wrong in their relationship. She didn't even care that he is in love with Beatrice Banks. He was her perfect guy! How could she not only break up with him, but not tell us?"

"Maybe she has moved on, and she is afraid of what we will say," Trixie offered.

"Maybe it is none of our business," Alice shrugged.

"She would never break up with him! What is with this?" Juliana threw up her hands in frustration.

"Well, I have seen Squid checking her out," Greg said, obviously in thought.

"Adrienne is too good for Squid."

"What are you? A clichéd character in a movie? No one is too good for anyone," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Juliana frowned as the group walked into the wreck room and saw Adrienne and Giorgio already going at it. They had to admit; Giorgio was relatively good at pretending he was interested. The D-tent boys played a game of pool in the corner. Squid sharpened his pool stick with a look of dislike for Giorgio all over his face. Tap instantly got down on her hands and knees feeling the floor, not paying attention to the livid Squid or Adrienne and Giorgio making out. Alice sat down in the corner, reading over her rap to herself, which left Trixie, Greg and Juliana to the D-tent boys in the corner.

"I don't want to hit on Caveman," Greg whispered to Trixie.

"Yeah, well, I can't think of anything fucking stupid to say either," Trixie answered.

"Hi, Magnet! How are you?" Juliana said a little too loud as the group walked up with Trixie and Greg still whispering to each other.

"Uh… fine," Magnet said slightly, moving in between Squid and X-Ray.

"Hey, Jock Strap, Rosie and…" X-Ray eyed Juliana, trying to remember her name, "you."

"Ha! Julia does not have a name yet! Let's name her Pepperoni because I love pepperonis!" Trixie clapped like a second grader as Juliana rolled her eyes.

"Let's not," Juliana frowned.

"I just can't place a name for you," X-Ray leaned against the pool table. "I can't think of anything that fits."

"How about 'Burrito?'" Greg shrugged, losing interest fast.

"That is degrading, Greg!" Juliana pushed him.

"It's Rosie, actually," Greg smirked.

Juliana lifted her fist to punch him, but Trixie moved in between them to cool the fight.

"Oh, but Juliana, you love burritos," Greg gave Juliana a slight smirk.

"I swear to god, _Rosie_, I will hurt you!" Juliana threatened.

"What will you do? Fall on me?"

"You know, actually, I don't hit girls."

Greg instantly became pink with rage, "Oh, that's right! You're a transvestite! You can't hit girls because you are both girl and boy!"

"Yeah, well, you can't hit anyone either not because of social limits, but because of your weak body strength!"

"I'm not weak!"

"You totally are! You can't even lift up a tray of cookies without faltering a little bit!"

Juliana held back a smile, remembering a time when the group had made cookies and Greg offered to take them out of the oven because of his 'manly strength.' The problem was, he didn't put on any gloves and burned himself. He had dropped the cookie sheet immediately, and Trixie, not knowing that he had simply burned himself, said, "Holy hell, Greg. You are a woos and a fucking half! You can't even hold up a tray of cookies without dropping it!"

Greg hid his smile and retorted, "Go back over the border where you belong!"

Juliana opened her mouth in faux surprise, "Hey, buddy, I was born here! Just because I have Mexican heritage does not mean that…"

Suddenly Magnet had Greg by the throat and hissed, "Take that back, Rosie."

Tap popped up in between Zig-Zag and Caveman, giving them a fright, and watched with her mouth open. Trixie crossed her arms over her chest as Greg looked at her for help on what to do. She shrugged and mouthed, "Give up."

Greg closed his eyes and let out a girlish squeal, "Please! Don't hurt me! You'll mess up my manicure!"

Juliana shook her head, slightly laughing. She knew that Greg didn't mean what he had said because he said that sometimes to get a rise out of her. Greg never cared much for racists, and wasn't racist himself, but found it funny to act like one sometimes during stupid arguments. Unfortunately, Magnet did not know that.

"For the love of Barbie, put the boy down! A manicure is a sacred thing!" Trixie yelped.

Juliana tried to spit to act like one of the boys, but it didn't work too well, so she acted like she hadn't at all, "Whatever. I've never gotten a manicure in my life, and I am great. Can I join in this pool game?"

Magnet put Greg down with a frown, "Do you know how to play?"

"Does Juliana know how to play? Come on! She was the champ at home!" Tap smiled, though the smile faded quickly when she got glares from her counterparts. "I mean, don't mind me. Just talking crazy. My mind is a little loony because of those drugs. Should get back to doing what I was doing, yep."

Tap got down on the ground again and disappeared. No one spoke for a moment. Suddenly, a cell phone rang, and Giorgio instantly unlinked his lips with Adrienne's.

"Hello? Glenn, baby! How are you? Did you really? I'm so excited for you! Really I am!" Giorgio giggled into his phone.

"Is that mine?" Adrienne asked him, shoving his shoulder.

He didn't respond.

"That's my phone, Giorgio! Why is Glenn calling my phone?"

"Mine died," Giorgio said quietly and then went back to his conversation.

"His name is Playa,' fo sho,'" Alice said as she walked up.

X-Ray eyed her slightly, "Right. I guess that sounds good."

"I know," Alice grinned.

Zig-Zag followed Tap around slowly, leaving the group. She went around the whole wreck room, searching for cameras, and found none on the ground. She stood up, wiping her hands, and then noticed Zig-Zag with a start.

"Oh, hello," she said with a slight smile. "I was just crawling on the floor."

"I saw that," he answered.

"Yep. I crawl to fight the man."

"Be careful, you might find one of the cameras, and the Warden will send you to Russia."

Tap instantly thought that Zig-Zag "knew" as well and said incredibly loudly, "I was not looking for cameras! Why would you say such a thing! I don't think this whole place is rigged!"

"But the whole place is rigged."

"THERE ARE NO CAMERAS HERE WHATSOEVER!" Tap said loudly and brought Zig-Zag close to her, whispering harshly, "Shut up, you'll blow my cover!"

He whispered back, "What cover?"

"Wait, are we talking about the same thing?" she asked.

"I have no idea," he answered.

"I just blew my cover, didn't I?"

"I think so."

"Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"I won't."

"Good."

"Good."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JULIANA?" Alice yelped as Juliana lit her pool stick on fire.

"I don't know," Juliana shrugged, watching the stick burn.

Tap stomped her foot, "I was supposed to do that!"

Zig-Zag laughed, and the two walked over to the chaos.

"You WHAT?" Alice yelped at Tap in the tent.

"I kind of blew my cover, but he won't tell anyone!" Tap smiled.

MEANWHILE IN D-TENT… 

"Everyone in C-Tent is a spy," Zig-Zag announced.

"Excuse me?" Caveman turned from his cot.

"Yeah, what are you talking about, Zig-Zag?" Armpit asked.

"They are spies," Zig-Zag repeated.

Everyone except Zero, Zig-Zag and X-Ray laughed.

"Spies, ay? Why are they here?" X-Ray asked.

Zig-Zag shrugged and laid down on his cot, no longer caring for the conversation. Squid eyed X-Ray's look of thought.

"What's up, X?" Squid queried.

"Let's go to C-Tent for a chat, boys," X-Ray said as he walked out of the tent.

_Oy, so that was the chapter. Took me forever to write. Thank you to Nosilla, Eartheart, Celtic Cross and BrokenAngel1753. I may take your suggestion, Nosilla on how to further my story, as you may see, but I need a vote, seriously. Who thinks the boys should be in on it? Who opposes? I don't really know where to go from here, but I will write something kick ass for sure. Right? Right._


	9. Uh ohs

_Disclaimer_

_I do not own Holes. I'm not very good at digging holes either. In short, holes suck. Not the book, just holes in general._

"I hope my mom sends my suzuki book," Adrienne said as she stared up at the ceiling of the tent.

"Adrienne, we have a crisis here! Tap told one of the D-tent boys who we are!" Alice shrieked.

"Hey, Alice, try shutting the fuck up," Trixie said beneath her pillow.

"Oh my gosh, Trixie! Sleeping is a great idea!" Giorgio smiled and laid down on his cot.

"Why don't I have a name yet? I want a name! I'm the only one!" Juliana said glumly. "Well, except for Giorgio."

"I'm Phone Book," Giorgio said casually as he tried to prepare himself for sleep.

"When did you get named?"

"During the time that Alice was yelling at you."

"Alice! You made me miss the naming! What if I was to be named!"

"Our cover is blown! How can you be so petty?" Alice stomped angrily.

"Do you realize, Alice, that Zig-Zag is insane and no one will listen to him?" Greg asked condescendingly. "Plus, we could always shoot him if he causes trouble."

Adrienne clapped her hands enthusiastically, "That would be so great!" The look that Alice gave her stopped her cold. "I mean, it totally wouldn't, Greg."

"You know what actually would be great?" Juliana scooted next to Adrienne. "If we never spoke of suzuki again."

"That would not be great! We need that!"

"Yeah, if we want our joints to ache _more _from digging!"

"It would help with the digging! A slow ten would totally help!"

"What is suzuki again?" Tap asked, moving her head around Alice.

"It's a physical form of theatre," Adrienne answered. "It really helps with discipline. Remember? We did it before."

"Tap, remember when we had to go down in like one of those standing sits as far as we could go for ten seconds and then we had to stand there holding it forever? Remember when Adrienne made us learn those walks where we had to bring our knees up really high? Remember 'The Hollow Men?'" Juliana asked Tap, reenacting all of the activities in her mind.

Tap screamed, "GOD NO! NEVER MENTION THAT AGAIN!"

Adrienne rolled her eyes, "It wasn't that bad..."

"WE COULD BE TERMINATED!" Alice yelped, bringing the attention back to the issue.

"Yeah, and?" Greg frowned.

"Yeah, Alice, it's not like we haven't forgotten what we are doing here," Giorgio sat up, aborting his plan to sleep.

"Look, we are supposed to break them out in a way that seems like they all just decided to escape. We have to do this in a professional manner, cover this up, but we haven't been doing anything but whining that we haven't gotten names yet!" Alice lectured.

"Hey!" Juliana retorted.

Alice didn't stop. "I don't know how we expect to break them out when we haven't even brought the idea forth! We haven't done anything at all for this project. The intern group three years ago got their mission done in two days. We have been here for more than a week, and we have done nothing!"

"We knocked over the food. Did anyone see that B-tent got blamed for it?" Adrienne threw in.

"Yeah! That was so cool because that one guy..." Juliana started to tell the story of an unfortunate boy who barely finished one hole on time, let alone two. Now, this boy had...

"THIS IS SERIOUS!" Alice burst. "WE COULD LOSE EVERYTHING! IF I DON'T GET A GOOD LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION AFTER ALL OF THE CRAP SPIES INC. HAS PUT ME THROUGH, I WILL START SHOOTING PEOPLE IN THE FACE!"

"Why in the face?" Tap asked.

"Not a good time, Tap," Greg whispered to her.

"IF ALL OF YOU DO NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP, I AM GOING TO FUCKING START TAKING PEOPLE BY THE HAIR AND DROWNING THEM IN THE MOTHER FUCKING SHOWER!" Trixie screamed.

"Wow, I didn't know you had it in you, Jock Strap," a male voice broke in.

Every face turned toward the entrance of the tent where the boys from D-tent stood. X-Ray was of course first with a wide smile on his face.

"Uh oh," Juliana slinked down and partially hid behind Adrienne.

Adrienne smiled and held her melodramatically. They held back laughter as Trixie tried to explain herself with many ums and uhs. Greg watched Alice boil up, seeing her right hand shaking with rage. Tap hid under Greg's cot. Giorgio sent text messages to Glenn.

"Ever heard of knocking?" Alice grinded her teeth, trying to keep herself from lashing out.

"Uh oh," Juliana whispered again.

"You can't really knock on a tent, can you?" Squid asked X-Ray and smiled at Adrienne. "Hey, Brazen."

"Hey, Squid," Adrienne smiled back.

"What do you want?" Alice bared her teeth.

"We want to know what is going on, quite frankly," X-Ray answered, stepping forward and getting in Alice's face.

"Look, we are having a crisis here, so I would appreciate if..." Alice nearly scratched his face she was so angry.

"I would appreciate the truth!"

"You can't handle the truth!" Greg stood up, thrusting his fist in the air. Though Adrienne, Juliana, and Trixie held back laughter, no one else was amused. "I uh... I just had to say that. You know, felt the need. Um... wrapped up in the moment? Yeah... I'm sitting down now."

Greg sat back down on his cot while Adrienne and Juliana shook with silent laughter. Trixie covered her face with her pillow to try to muffle out her own.

"Zig-Zag told us some interesting things about you," X-Ray said, unaltered by Greg's outburst.

Alice glared back at Tap, who hid more under the cot, and said, "What kind of interesting things?"

"Well, he says that you all are..."

"C-TENT! Come here NOW!" Gina's voice rang outside of the tent.

Alice smirked, "Oops, looks like we are being called. Catch you later, _dawg_."

With that, Alice led the way, and the group of interns walked out into the sun to find Gina waiting for them looking irritated.

"Gina, you saved our lives just now. I mean, X-Ray is..." Alice started but was stopped when Gina slapped her. "Ouch!"

Gina's face was red with rage, or maybe too much blush, but at any rate, her face was red, and she was angry. Each one of the interns stepped back, except for Alice, and stood away from Gina.

"You... all... are... the... WORST... interns... ever... and... I... hate..." Gina hissed, so angry she couldn't put a sentence together.

"Did we do something wrong, Gina?" Adrienne asked with a slight smile.

"I HATE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH!" Gina yelped.

"Gina, we are really trying to..." Alice tried to clear up the situation but was unsuccessful.

"No, you have NOT been trying! All any of you have been doing is causing suspicion! The Warden makes me stay in the cafeteria so that I can't get any dirt..."

"Heh, dirt," Juliana smiled.

"Not a good time, Julia," Greg whispered.

"X-Ray suspects something. He's getting the others to suspect something. He needs to be dealt with. Until he is, you all stay AWAY from those boys and make a plan! I will not start making copies for that jerk Jerod Jones! I will NOT be demoted for all of YOU! And you know what? I HATE THIS WIG! I WISH IT WOULD DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS!"

"Gina, may I ask, how are we supposed to change X-Ray's mind? I mean, he is pretty set on..." Alice again tried to make the situation a little less angry.

Gina smiled wickedly, "How? Well, Alice, I think you have to figure that out. It is your job to change his mind. I suggest making out with him or something of the like."

Giorgio raised his hand, "I'll make out with him!"

"Yeah, no," Gina frowned. "Giorgio, work on fixing all of this. You are the only one who is serious."

"Hey, I made out with him!" Adrienne spoke up.

"And I set something on fire!" Juliana piped in.

"And I told Zig-Zag that we were spies!" Tap got lost in the moment and spoke before thinking.

The whole group was silent for a moment as Gina rubbed her forehead, nearly bursting into tears.

"Okay, one, Adrienne, you did do a great job with that. Make out with other people from D-Tent to make them really think you are a slut because you are good at it. Two, Juliana, you had no right starting that on fire. You are not the rebel. Three, Loony bin, YOU ARE A MORON!" With that, Gina turned her tail and started to walk away grumbling to herself.

"Wait, Gina! Gina! I can't do this! GINA!" Alice chased after her.

There was a moment of absolute silence as the group took in what had just happened.

"I'm going to report Gina to the authorities for hitting Alice," Greg said, breaking the silence.

"Is it because you care, or because you hate Gina?" Juliana asked.

"I'm going for the latter."

"This is bullshit. I was woken up for this? Fuck that, I'm going to god damn sleep!" Trixie threw up her arms and marched back to the tent.

"I love my life, I really do," Adrienne said sarcastically.

"I am not a moron!" Tap said suddenly.

The group exchanged looks and walked back the tent without a word.

"I'm not! Wait, guys, I'm not a moron! Guys! GUYS!"

_Another chapter done finally. Sorry if there are a lot of typos in this one; my other comp is all broken and stuff. Oh wells. This one took a long time because no one voted on whether the guys should know. So I'm trying my best. Thank you, thank you, thank you to BrokenAngel1753 (glad you like!), emddozen12 (I'm thinking it's because you are clumsy), LeMoNsOuR (thank you! I try not to be corny, but me thinks I'm a little bit too dorky to not be just a little bit corny. I love Trixie too. Tap, well, I like her name. I kid, of course. Tap is great. And really, I like being called funny. Keep it up!), and Strange Stranger (Please do write a fanfic about my fanfic! That review totally made my day and made me write this chapter, so go you!). So, let's hope that I am not such a slacker and write another chapter soon. Keep your fingers crossed._


	10. Suzuki kisses

Disclaimer

Me no own Holes. Me no know grammar. Me Caveman. Heh! Caveman! Heh! Fine, don't laugh.

_Dear Greg,_

_Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Wait, let me write that again. HA! Oh my god, that was great! "Am I feminine?" Hell yes you are! Oh, Mom is going to hate me when she gets back from Grandma's. But I don't care. At least I will get the say on this. I'll send brownies though, just because Mom would kill me if not. Oh, and by the way, HAHAHAHAHAHAA!_

_Your loving sister, _

_Mary Dear Adrienne,_

_That is a lot of blisters. I got a little lost reading a blister on a popped blister on a popped blister or whatever it is you said. I wish you weren't there with those blisters, however many you have. You could get an infection! Be sure to wash them out. Dad is happy you aren't being molested. He is ready to drive right down there and get you, really. He is not a happy camper. Ada is crying too much from missing you to get near your stuff, believe me. You did not get an envelope from Yale, sorry. Wait a little bit; I'm sure it will come. I sent you your suzuki book though. I thought you and your friends would miss it. Take care of yourself._

_Miss you,_

_Mom._

_Alice:_

_We are happy to hear you are well. _

_Sincerely,_

_Your family._

_p.s. hugs and kisses, and we miss you lots._

_Trix,_

_It is a camp for juvenile delinquents. It's not meant to be a loved place. At least they haven't changed you much though. If you had said, "Dear Father, I love this place, miss you, blah blah," I would have been concerned. But you didn't. Sorry it sucks, but life sucks too._

_Love, _

_Dad._

_p.s. the dog doesn't listen to a word I say unless I curse. You have corrupted him, Daughter! Corrupted him!_

_Dear Tap,_

_Your mom burst into tears reading your letter, so apparently she knows what it means. I don't. Why do you want to dance like a chicken? And why is gravy talked about? Are they feeding you gravy? I don't know. I'm confused. You need to come home soon. Your mom thinks that the neighbors are poisoning the dogs. You really need to come home._

_Killing you softly?_

_Dad._

_Dear, sweet Giorgio,_

_Ha! Sweet! I thought it would be funny if I wrote, "Dear, sweet Giorgio." And I think it was. I'm laughing pretty hard right now. I miss you too! It's not the same going to Starbucks and harassing people without you! Yesterday, I got a Chai Frappaccino, god how is that spelled? Anyway, I ordered one, but they gave me an iced Chai. So, I threw it down, and I demanded my money back. They gave me that and a free frappaccino. And the funny thing is, now that I think about it, I think I really did order an iced Chai. I wish you had been there! I hate that Camp Green Lake. I'm thinking about doing something bad, so I can get in there with you. Make a place for me. You could always kill Greg. wink, wink Poor Greg. I heard that he is not adapting well to being a gay man. Poor, poor Greg. He so is not gay. I would like to see him hit on a guy though. When you come back, we have to take him to Starbucks. He would have so much fun! I watched Bonnie and Clyde yesterday, and I decided that you are Bonnie and I am Clyde. I like the hat Clyde wears. I don't know which one so don't ask. Anyways, need to go. My history teacher is giving me the stink eye. _

_Loves,_

_Glenn._

_p.s. I just loved the sad face. You are such an artist!_

_Dear Jules,_

_We are doing relatively well too. It's empty in the house without you, though. Our only child at a delinquents' camp… it brings a tear to the eye. Wow, Gina. Poor you. That woman is insane. We send our love back to Adrienne and Alice! We hope they are all right as well. We'd hate to hear our Alice is not doing well. We love our Alice! Her parents have been crazy without her. Mom saw her mom at the store the other day and the woman was crying over a chicken in the meat section because Alice likes chicken. It was strange. Adrienne's dad keeps trying to get Dad to join him in a rescue mission. Dad is not keen on the idea though. You better be back by Christmas! We will rescue you if you aren't! And you better win that blister contest! Adrienne beats you at everything, so beat her at those blisters! They have pool there? I bet you are excited! It's just like home!_

_Love, love, love, love,_

_Mom and Dad._

_To this Gina person,_

_You have the wrong address. I don't know who you are and would appreciate if you did not continue to write letters here. Thank you very much._

_Sincerely,_

_Ronald Roy._

It had been three weeks since Gina's explosion, and the situation was none the better. X-Ray was seriously suspecting something, Zig-Zag kept informing people that C-Tent were spies, and Juliana continued to get no affection from Magnet. Juliana had also started to try to get Adrienne away from Squid. Gina may have told Adrienne to make out with boys from D-tent, but she did not mean one single boy, and she most definitely did not mean like it. Juliana considered reaching out to Cecil, but every time she wrote down his name, she broke into peals of laughter and couldn't function for hours. She tried to issue Greg's help, but he was too busy trying to flirt with Caveman. Greg was more successful at that than even Juliana flirting with Magnet. Which didn't make her feel good.

Then there was the problem of Alice. As already mentioned, X-Ray was seriously suspecting something. Now, Alice was to avert this suspicion. However, to use the words of Juliana's parents, she was not _keen_ on the idea for it meant talking to him and prospectively being nice. Now, Alice called herself a nice person, but being nice to X-Ray was another matter.

"It's not that I hate him," she said to Adrienne as they were walking back from D-tent after a Project Avert-suspicions-of-that-douche-X-ray, as Alice so fondly called it. "It's just that I dislike him very, very much."

"Right," Adrienne responded as she drank some water out of her canteen.

Then there was another problem plaguing the intern spies besides Juliana's mission to destroy Squid, Alice's mission to destroy X-Ray's suspicions, and Gina's mission to destroy everything in her path except Mr. Sir: Suzuki. Adrienne had received her Suzuki book from her mother with a response to her letter. To many people, this may not be that bad compared to how bat-shit crazy Gina is/was/always will be. But those people have never done Suzuki. And that was the predicament that C-tent was in at that very moment; to be more exact, they were in a standing sit the lowest they could go and had been like that for two whole minutes.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," Juliana whimpered as her knees started to buckle.

"Adrienne, this is a little excessive," Greg said shrewdly.

"The more you talk, the longer we will stand here," Adrienne responded.

So the group got quiet, all closing their eyes. Tap, however, did not have her eyes closed. She was too busy watching the perimeter. There had to be someone who wanted to kill her. Do it now. Do. It. Now. She straightened up a little as she saw the D-Tent boys, except Caveman (who had been avoiding the group entirely since Greg had started hitting on him) and Zero, walking towards them.

"What are you kids doing?' X-Ray asked as he walked up.

No one answered, though Alice wanted to. They all waited for Adrienne to do something.

"Up ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one," Adrienne counted down as her fellow interns practically shot up. "Everyone at neutral, wait for one. And, by the way, you are supposed to use the whole ten, guys."

"You are supposed to only keep us down for ten seconds!" Juliana snapped.

Adrienne didn't answer, but turned to X-Ray, "We are doing Suzuki. It's this physical form of theatre that teaches discipline. That was the slow ten. You go down as far as you can, keeping your knees together, for ten seconds, then hold for ten. After that, you come up slowly in ten seconds."

"Ten seconds being the key word!"

"Holding is sometimes more by the whim of the instructor, which is me."

"Why are you doing this now?" X-Ray asked.

"Adrienne wants to be a drama teacher," Tap said matter-of-factly.

The interns became silent as Squid cocked an eyebrow and asked, "Drama teacher, ay?"

"It's spy training, I tell you!" Zig-Zag interrupted Adrienne's stare at Squid, trying to figure out what to say.

"This isn't spy training! The only thing done in…" Tap started.

Adrienne yelped over her, "One!"

The D-tent boys jumped back as every the right leg of every intern shot out to the right, making a crisp thump sound.

"Two!"

The right leg slid back in a fluid motion.

"Three!"

Juliana grimaced, but went down into the sitting stand again.

"Speak!"

The group recited:

"We are the hollow men  
We are the stuffed men  
Leaning together  
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!  
Our dried voices, when  
We whisper together  
Are quiet and meaningless  
As wind in dry grass  
Or rats' feet over broken glass  
In our dry cellar.

Shape without form, shade without colour,  
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed  
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom  
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost  
Violent souls, but only  
As the hollow men  
The stuffed men."

"Dude man," Armpit breathed, "that is creepy."

"I know," X-Ray answered.

"Up," Adrienne barked, and the group stood up straight.

"Don't ever do that again!" Armpit said.

"Yeah, Ade, don't ever do that again!" Alice smiled.

Trixie started to shake, her mind screaming to curse as her fellow interns and the D-tent boys joked about Adrienne leading a cult. Her eye twitched slightly as she tried her hardest to keep it in. No one noticed her red face. No one noticed that she looked like a volcano about to erupt. They instead started talking about how Adrienne would have her 'disciples' killed.

"I say the kool-aid trick," Adrienne smiled, slinging her arms around Squid.

"But you hate kool-aid!" Greg laughed.

"Well, I won't be drinking it, will I? I don't want to die!"

"MOTHER FUCK! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT ANYMORE! IT'S ALL BULLSHIT! ALL OF IT! I WANT TO GO HOME! I WANT TO GO TO MY HISTORY CLASSES! I WANT TO GO DOWN TO FUCKING WALMART AND PUT CONDOMS IN RANDOM PEOPLE'S CARTS! I CAN'T DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE!" Trixie cried.

The group of interns looked at each other, wondering what to do. As Trixie opened her mouth to speak again, Greg put his hand over her mouth and dragged her into the tent. Adrienne pulled down her shirt, nearly revealing her bra and making Squid forget about the outburst quickly. Armpit and Magnet were too busy laughing to think anything of it, and Zig-Zag was still muttering about spies. X-Ray did notice, though.

"What was that?" he asked pointedly. "I'm starting to think that…."

Alice could only think of one thing: the Simpson's episode where Nelson kisses Lisa to shut her up. So, she pulled X-Ray in thinking, "This should shut him up," and kissed him. Juliana's mouth flew open, and Adrienne clapped.

"Go Captain! Go!" she cheered.

Now, during this, one might wonder Alice's intentions or they might wonder where are the snarky comments from Giorgio? He had to have had something to say, or at least have had his cell phone ring during the silence. The thing was, Giorgio wasn't there. After digging his hole and getting his letter from Glenn, he had decided that he was over Camp Green Lake. No Starbucks, no electricity, no Glenn… it was all too much. So, he went back to the plan. Break out D-tent. But who would be the catalyst, he had thought while Juliana and Adrienne had argued over Suzuki. That was when he noticed Zero fully for the first time.

Sure, X-Ray seemed to be the leader, and if he wanted to escape, most of the others would too. But Zero wouldn't, and Giorgio doubted Caveman would without Zero. But, if Zero was the first, then Caveman might escape just to help his friend, and it wouldn't be that hard to get X-Ray to go too. Zero had to be the catalyst. There was no way around it.

So, that brought to the point of convincing Zero to escape. Giorgio felt that he was a relatively good arguer, a good politician in his own right. He had won to be president of his class every year since he was a freshman. But how could he get the kid who didn't talk to want to escape? There had to be a way. So, he waited and waited to get Zero by himself. Caveman was with Zero in D-tent for quite some time, even staying there when the other D-tent boys were gone. But eventually, Caveman left and made an opening for President Giorgio.

He walked into D-tent with a smile, "Oh, Zero, just the man I wanted to see!"

Zero raised his eyebrows slightly but didn't respond.

"How is it going? I noticed that there was a little 'secret meeting' going on with Caveman and X-Ray today. Kind of looked like Caveman found something, which is quite interesting." Nothing. "God, digging those holes was hard today, huh? Are you as tired as me?" Tired. Play the tired card.

Zero shrugged.

Okay, no tired card. Try to go with it, Giorgio. "I know what you mean," no I don't. "I mean, digging those holes has been so burned into the psyche, it isn't even tiring anymore. So much for making character, huh?"

No response.

Go in for the kill. "Don't you ever just, I don't know, want to hit Mr. Sir with a shovel and run off? I mean, sometimes while I'm digging I just think, 'Man, I would rather die in the desert than have to dig another hole.' You know? Cause there is nothing after this when they let me out. I have nothing to go back to!"

Zero's eyes flickered slightly, giving Giorgio the fuel to keep going. He knew the bad home card would get him something.

"I mean, here I kind of feel like I belong, but every time I dig a hole, I think how bad I have it. I don't have parents to go back to. Well, I guess I do, but they wouldn't care a bit if I didn't come home. Soon enough I will have to go back and this won't even matter. All the people I met here I will never see again. I'll probably do what I did again! Those holes don't do anything for my character because I won't change! My parents haven't! Hell, they will probably act like I never went here! I mean, don't you ever think that? That it might be better to risk the desert than go back home?"

Zero's eyes continued to flicker, and then they became blank.

Damn lost him. "Well, I guess I better go. Sorry I got all moody on you. See you later, Zero," he started to walk out, but turned. "Oh, and say hi to Caveman for me."

He left the tent smiling slightly. If Zero had listened to that whole made up spiel, than maybe he will think that he won't have Caveman anymore after he is let out. Maybe it got to him. Giorgio hoped so. He needed a Grande White Chocolate Mocha bad.

He walked up to his tent, seeing Adrienne jumping up and down for some reason. He raised an eyebrow and continued walking, then noticing Alice kissing X-Ray. He stopped dead in his track, wondering what was going on. Then he heard footsteps. Angry footsteps. And then he smelled perfume. Strong, old lady perfume. That meant only one thing…

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

Gina.

"Ooh, that's not so good," Giorgio thought to himself, turning around to see Gina push past him.

"Hey there!" Adrienne smiled and waved.

"You! And you! What are you doing?" Gina looked absolutely livid as she walked toward the group.

"Uh… well…" Alice started.

Gina didn't wait for her answer, instead she kept walking and opened the flap of C-tent to unveil Greg still covering Trixie's mouth.

"What did you DO?" Gina screamed.

Trixie tried to answer, but Greg still wouldn't remove his hand. So, she bit him. Hard.

"I'm bleeding!" Greg yelped.

"Both of you, with me, NOW!" Gina dragged both of them away with Trixie looking quite proud of herself.

"Well, that was fun. How about a rousing game of pool, everyone?" Adrienne smiled, dragging Squid with her to the wreck room and everyone except Giorgio and Juliana following.

"What just happened?" Juliana asked after the group was gone.

"Hell if I know," Giorgio shrugged and went into the tent, leaving Juliana to her own thoughts.

Another chapter! Yay! All of you who don't know what Suzuki is, be happy. It hurts like hell man. Anyway, sorry it took me so long. The comp is acting wonky. That's my own personal word that was invented by someone else: wonky. Also, I noticed that I made Adrienne's sister's name Gina and Gina is already a character so Adrienne's sister is now Ada, if anyone cares. Crazy boss Gina is not Adrienne's sister, just a crazy lady. Yeah… review! Please! Thanks to all of my reviewers! BrokenAngel1753 (why thanky!), emddozen12 (thanks for answering my question! Yes, don't sit in chair. Lay on the couch. Much softer), Nosilla (indeed they are, indeed they are), BlueEyes (Trixie is great. Everyone loves the Trixster. Heh, I made a pun! Kind of! Fine, don't laugh), and agentkibbles (thanks! Top three is great! The nicknames are confusing as hell, man. Seriously, crazy stuff. Yay for awesomeness! Anyone who uses that word is okay in my book!) Okay, so I need to stop with the exclamation points, really. I sound like some fangirl. Done! No more author notes! Except, oh yeah, I don't own "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot, but it is awesome!


	11. Dastardly

_**Disclaimer**_

_**I'm running out of witty things to say up here. Also, none of them were really witty in the first place, but I will humor myself and say they were. Anyway, yeah, I don't own Holes.**_

_Dear Loving Sister,_

_I'm glad that you take joy in my misfortune. Really, I am. I'm sure that you can tell how **excited** I am that you think that I am feminine! Thank you for being the best sister in the whole world. Oh, and by the way, die a thousand deaths._

_Thanks,_

_Greg._

_Dear Mom, _

_I know! My blister count is amazing! I have so many now, you don't even know. My life as a hand model is over for good. They won't get infected, and if they do, I can come home. Please do not let Dad do anything rash! It would be quite valiant of him to come and save me, but I really do not wish it. Well, I do wish it, but I don't want him getting in trouble. I'll be home soon, I hope. I met a guy here. It's a pleasant little fling, I think. I like not having the constrictions that home gave me in relationships. You know, everyone thought of me as a certain way, and here I can be someone else. I'm missing Cecil a little though. He broke up with me, you know. Juliana thinks that I broke up with him, but I didn't. Oh well, I guess. Juliana and I aren't really talking. She's mad at me and all we do is fight, so I decided to just not talk to her. Suzuki is not helping because everything I do is like an insult to her. It shows that you can be friends with someone forever and then still have some brittle friendship. It's kind of depressing. Oh! Did I get my Yale envelope? Did I get it? I really want it, Mom, so please send it if I got it. I need it now! Okay, I'm done. I need to count my blisters._

_Miss you too,_

_Adrienne. _

_Family:_

_Gosh, I miss all of you so much. I can't write the business letter right now. I'm kind of emotional. You get the drift. There is no lake. If there was, it would be some horrible mess. This place is just a mess. Miss you, miss you, miss you._

_Love, _

_Alice._

_Dad,_

_Fuck, Dad! I miss you now! Before I just had so much hate for this place, but now I really fucking miss you! How could you do that to me? Now I'm turning batshit, Dad! Fuck, I miss that stupid fucking bitch of a dog too! And I'm using mother fucking exclamation points! I'm like some god damn pussy now. Look what you did, Dad! You made like an emotional fucking girl! I don't know if I will forgive you, but, fuck, I miss you._

_Trixie._

_Comrade Dad,_

_The toaster is in the oven. _

_Frying on a hot skillet,_

_Tap._

_My darling Glenn,_

_You are so funny! You make us sound like crazy love struck lovers or something. I think that is incredibly amusing. Of course, I also thought it amusing when that angry guy was chasing us when we threw our Starbucks at him. I need a Starbucks! I am going crazy, or how Trixie says, I'm going batshit. Hah! You are a moron sometimes, Glenn! But I laughed, a lot, at that story. Greg is not coping well with being a gay man at all. He probably won't come to Starbucks with us. He has had enough of me, I think. Mostly because I laugh at him, a lot, and he doesn't like it. But, on another note, I am in the process of getting out of here. All I have to do is talk this one cat into it, and we are set. You will see me at Starbucks within a week, I figure. Soon, soon my friend, I will be at Starbucks with you. _

_Loves loves,_

_Giorgio._

_p.s. I know, aren't I?_

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I am sending nothing to Adrienne from you, but I will send something to Alice because I love Alice. Adrienne, though, we are, how to say this, at odds. She is taking Gina a little too seriously. She is making out with some random guy all the time! I can't believe her! And you know what? She broke up with Cecil! Can you believe that? Adrienne and Cecil were going to THE couple at Yale, and look at them! They are broken up! And then she keeps making us do Suzuki. What the hell? Sorry about the cursing, but I am so pissed at her right now. Oh, got to go, a certain someone just walked into the tent. _

_Love,_

_Juliana._

_Dear Mr. Boss Sir,_

_Camp Green Lake should be called Camp Sucks-a-lot, cause it does. It sucks a lot. A LOT. Get me out of here!_

_Sincerely,_

_Gina._

Juliana stood by her not yet started hole, staring over at X-Ray as he talked to the Warden. Alice chewed some gum she had found in the bottom of her bag.

"What is going on over there, I wonder?" Juliana leaned against her shovel.

"Something dastardly, I'm sure," Alice narrowed her eyes.

"Hey, guys, did you know that Tom Cruise is going to be a father? Isn't that wrong?" Giorgio said, looking at a magazine Glenn had sent him. "Ooh, and Jessica and Nick are breaking up."

Greg snatched the magazine and started demolishing it with his shovel while Giorgio yelled at him.

"Oh, get a life, man," Greg rolled his eyes as Giorgio picked up the remnants of his magazine.

Giorgio stomped his foot down on Greg's toe and walked away to where Adrienne was digging her hole away from the group, trying to read the magazine still. Juliana watched him only slightly and looked away as soon as Adrienne looked up to look at him. Trixie walked in between Alice and Juliana and knocked on her canteen, trying to get the last remnants of water out of it.

"Fuck man, they do not give us enough water!" Trixie frowned, throwing down her canteen.

"You just drink it fast," Greg said as he walked up. "What are we looking at anyway?"

Tap appeared out of nowhere, "Caveman found something!"

"What?" the group asked together, though Trixie was too busy cursing about the water to know why she was saying what.

"Yeah, he found something and X-Ray took it and now X-Ray is getting the day off," Tap said knowingly.

"But Caveman found it! That is shit!" Alice stomped her foot.

"Utter bullshit. Utter fucking cock in ass bullshit," Trixie ran her tongue over her teeth.

"You only said that so that you could cuss," Alice turned to her. "You don't actually care."

"You're right! I don't! I'm going to go talk to Adrienne and Giorgio now. Screw you kids," Trixie walked off to wear Giorgio was reading Adrienne a story about Tom Cruise. Greg shrugged and followed her.

Juliana narrowed her eyes as she watched Trixie go, "Well, that's pleasant. Everyone _loves_ Adrienne now."

Alice wasn't paying attention, moreover watching X-Ray get carted away for his day off, "Dastardly, dastardly business."

Then the diggers were told to dig one giant hole where X-Ray had "found" whatever it was he found. Tap said it was a waffle iron basted in bacon, but she was talking in code speak again, and no one knew what the hell she was talking about. Adrienne didn't mind digging another hole. She had become to like digging just a bit. Juliana, although she had not started her hole, was not happy about the big hole arrangement. Especially because she had to dig with the livid Alice, who nearly smacked Juliana with her shovel and/or dirt as she dug, saying, "dastardly," under her breath.

Juliana moved to dig next to Tap, for Tap was the only other person who wasn't digging with Adrienne. Tap dug slowly and carefully, always checking the dirt thoroughly for spying devices, bombs, or a key to freedom.

"I know I will find the key eventually," Tap said, sorting through the dirt on her shovel.

"What?" Juliana frowned, moving around the dirt in front of her instead of digging.

"The key to freedom, my friend! The key back to the real world!" Tap preached.

"Uh… right. Why is it a key if we, you know, aren't locked in. We could leave at any time."

"You know what, if you are going to condescend me, you can dig with someone else," Tap said harshly, surprising Juliana.

"Oh, come on, Tap!"

"Go dig with Alice."

"I did. She nearly gave me a concussion."

"Then dig with Adrienne!"

"Right… that's not going to happen."

"Well dig with someone else!" Tap yelped, thrusting her shovel into the earth.

Juliana frowned and went off to find someone else to dig with.

MEANWHILE AT ADRIENNE'S HOLE…

"Ick, I think someone used this as a bathroom," Trixie frowned, careful not to cuss with D-Tent so close to them.

"Oh my god, Katie Holmes is totally brainwashed! And how is she that fat when they just announced that she is pregnant? Seriously man!" Giorgio seethed, looking at his torn magazine.

"Giorgio, you can't see how fat she is. There's a hole where her stomach should be," Adrienne said lightly.

"Oh yeah. Thanks Greg!" Giorgio hit Greg on the shoulder.

"Don't mention it, Giorgio," Greg grumbled, digging into a specifically hard patch of dirt.

"Gosh man, how long have we been doing this for?" Trixie asked, staring up at the sun.

"Judging by the size of this huge hole… well, I'd say forever," Adrienne nodded.

Giorgio looked up from his magazine with a smile and noticed Juliana stomping away from Tap with her shovel slung over her shoulder, "Oy, Juliana! Where are you going? Why don't you join the jamboree?"

"Giorgio, don't," Adrienne said softly.

Juliana stopped and glared at Adrienne, "I don't think I'm wanted."

"You're the one who is mad at me," Adrienne said to herself.

"What?" Juliana snarled.

"She said, 'join the jamboree!' Now join or I will be forced to make you!" Giorgio broke in between the feuding friends. "Come here, between me and Trix."

Juliana shrugged and joined them. After another hour, the warden called it quits and everyone climbed out of the hole. Juliana avoided Adrienne on her way out, but Adrienne had about had it with being ignored.

"Hey, Jules, what is with you?" she asked Juliana point blank.

"Nothing is with me," Juliana responded.

"It sure seems like it. You're treating me like I am the scum of the Earth or something."

"Oh look, your lover boy is coming."

Adrienne turned to see Squid, Armpit and Magnet coming and then smirked back at Juliana, "So is yours."

Juliana nearly tackled her, but the boys got there first.

"Hey, Brazen," Squid said to Adrienne, ignoring Juliana like she was not worth to be talked to.

"Hi Squid," Juliana said loudly.

"Hey," he nodded lamely and turned back to Adrienne with a wide smile. "Hard work that was, huh?"

"I have practice. My dad is in the mafia," Adrienne smiled slyly.

"Really?" Armpit asked, mystified.

"No," Adrienne shook her head.

She and the boys laughed, but Juliana did not.

"I'm going to the wreck room," she grumbled, pushing in between Squid and Magnet.

"What is with her?" Armpit asked.

"Probably your smell man," Squid said and Magnet laughed.

Adrienne smiled slightly, upset about what Camp Green Lake had done to her friendship, but hid it well and walked back to camp with Squid's arm around her shoulder.

_Oy, I am lame. I am really not good at this whole "updating in a t__imely manner" thing. I have been slightly busy coughwatching TVcough and quite stressed coughcouldn't find remotecough but I am trying. Give me that much. Kudos to Nosilla (dude, I didn't even remember what you said, but, yeah, they are doomed. Hella doomed. Heh, hella. Okay, let's pretend I never said hella, okay? Okay), BrokenAngel1753 (I did update soon! If soon means two weeks later… yeah, I'm sorry), LeMoNsOur (I am psychic and OMG please be my friend because that story was seriously funny. Kthnx), and emddozen12 (Let Suzuki die a thousand deaths and then one more) for reviewing this here story. I will try to be a better updater in the future, but there are no promises. Promises and me are like oil and water, we don't get along well at parties. So, yay! Review if you can, but if you can't, NEVER READ MY STORY AGAIN! I kid, I kid. Review, okay? It will make me happy and maybe I'd be a better updater, but probably not. Oh wells._


	12. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

**Disclaimer**

**Woot, I don't own Holes! Let's celebrate!**

Alice picked at her arm, still muttering "dastardly" under her breath as Juliana fumed about Adrienne.

"And she just let him say it like that, like I was scum!" Juliana glared at nothing in particular. Adrienne had disappeared. "'Hey.' Not 'Hey Juliana' or 'Hey, you don't have a nickname,' just 'Hey.' What is with that?"

"Dastardly, I'm telling you!" Alice frowned.

"I know! I deserve a name!"

"Caveman deserved a day off if he found it!"

"And she hasn't tried to give me a name!"

"Caveman is slow at his holes! It takes him all day when X-Ray's takes a quarter of the time!"

"She hasn't even talked to Magnet for me! She would always do that!"

Then they spoke together:

"God, X-Ray is such a jerk!"

"God, Adrienne is such a jerk!"

Then they sat there fuming, not realizing that all their venting wasn't even about the same thing. Just then, X-Ray slammed in between Alice and Juliana and put his arm around Alice, looking proud of himself.

"How about another kiss for the great treasure finder!" he leaned in, but Alice pushed him away forcefully.

"I would rather kiss Mr. Sir than you," she answered.

"Don't say that too loud, or Gina will soccer punch you. She tackled some kid when he said that he was so in need of human contact, he would kiss Mr. Sir," Juliana said lazily, still mad.

"Come on, baby, we just kissed the other day," X-Ray ignored Juliana.

"I only did that so no one would get in trouble. And then, I puked in a hole," Alice lied.

"You did not! You liked it! Admit it!"

"X-Ray, I wouldn't even like it if I was so drunk that you looked like Denzel Washington. Of course, then I wouldn't have to remember it. Actually, I would rather not remember you at all. When I get out of here, you won't be a second thought."

"Cause I'll be a first."

"You are stupid!"

"Stupid like a fox."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Hey, where's Brazen? She got a letter!" Magnet asked as he walked up.

"Hell if I know," Juliana answered bitterly.

"What did she do to you?" Magnet asked.

"She just ruined my life!" Juliana stood up and took the letter. "I'll give it to her. Thanks, Magnet."

And with that, she was out of the wreck room. Alice, X-Ray and Magnet stared after her.

"She doesn't have a name yet, you know," Magnet mentioned.

"Maybe we should call her Fume because that is all she ever does," X-Ray replied.

Alice hit him hard in the arm, "Juliana is my friend! I would appreciate if you didn't say things like that about her!"

"Dawg," X-Ray said slightly, expecting some word of that nature since Alice hadn't acted black in some time.

"That's right! _Dawg_. Because I am a black woman!" Alice again attempted a z-snap and again it didn't turn out, so she, again, stormed out of the wreck room in shame.

"I have no idea why they act like that, but it is really starting to annoy me," X-Ray said to Magnet.

Magnet nodded in approval, and the two got up to play pool.

* * *

Juliana walked to C-Tent staring at the letter. She had started laughing when she first saw who it was from, but then her mood became grave. Cecil wrote a letter to Adrienne, and he didn't even know about Squid. She opened the flap of her tent still staring down at it.

"Adrienne, you got a letter from…" she looked up to see Adrienne and Squid making out. "Ew, dude. And in our tent!"

Juliana rushed out, shocked and angry. Adrienne flew out after her.

"Juliana! Juliana! Jules, I'm sorry!" Adrienne called after her. "We'll go somewhere else next time."

Juliana turned to look at her friend with the meanest look she could muster, "It's not about that, Adrienne. It's about you actually taking in this crap! I can't believe you would actually buy into the stupid stereotype thing that Gina made up! It's so insulting and degrading, and you are just following it! I mean, with what she did to poor Greg and Alice and then making you dress like a whore, I thought you would be against it!"

"Just because I am good at playing the part does not mean that I am all for it. I'm just trying to do the mission. You could try a little harder, you know. You have never acted like 'one of the guys.'" Adrienne responded.

"Because it's stupid! All of this is stupid!"

"I know! It's moronic, but we have to do what Gina says to make it! When this is done, she will hopefully be fired, and we can do real missions, but until then, we have to deal with this!"

"And dealing with it is making out with some hoodlum when you have a boyfriend?"

"I don't have a boyfriend anymore!"

"He wrote you a letter. That is kind of what boyfriends do!"

"He's not my boyfriend anymore, Juliana."

"Because you would rather be with Squid there, right?"

"Look, just because you can't get Magnet to take a second look at you does not mean that I can't have my fun!"

"Well, according to your example, I would have to act like a whore to get his attention, and I would rather keep my values."

"What values, Juliana? If I remember so clearly, there was that incident in the back of your parents' car with Rick when you were still with Josh? Oh, and _then_ there was that incident at the carnival with Harry…."

"You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!" Juliana hissed.

"You just called me a whore!"

"I said you were acting like a whore!"

"It's the same thing!"

"You know what, Adrienne? I know why your mom hasn't sent your Yale envelope yet."

"Why is that, Juliana?"

"Because you didn't get in. No school, especially Yale, would want you."

"Take it back!"

"No!"

"_Take it back!"_

"_No!"_

"TAKE IT BACK!"

"NO!"

"_You_ know what, Juliana? Magnet doesn't want you because you can't dig."

"How dare you say that?"

"I'm just telling the truth."

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"JUST TRY!"

"FINE, I WILL!"

They stood glaring at each other for a moment.

"Well, Jules, are you killing me yet?"

"I'm going to do it!"

"Then do it!"

"I will!"

"Okay, so do it!"

"I'm getting right on that!"

"So… are you killing me now?"

"I'm making a plan of action!"

"Right, I'm sure you are."

"Don't condescend me!"

"I will condescend you if I damn well please!"

"Shut up, slut!"

"That's it!"

Adrienne leaped on Juliana, and they started to fight. It was not much like those movie catfights with the girls just rolling around on the ground and tearing off each other's clothes. No, Adrienne and Juliana were simply punching, kicking, biting and generally fighting without limits. Alice ran up, trying to stop the two before they got in trouble.

"What are you two doing? Stop!" Alice screamed at them.

"You stay out of it, Alice," Adrienne said as her and Juliana were squaring off.

"You guys were friends like a week ago and now you are killing each other! I don't understand!"

"I don't understand either! I don't know what I did!" Adrienne answered, dodging a punch from Juliana.

"You have changed, Adrienne! You became the stereotype you were given when you hated it in the beginning! You did not like Squid before! And then you break up with Cecil to be with him! You aren't my Adrienne anymore, and, quite frankly, I don't like the new you!"

Adrienne stopped fighting, "Cecil broke up with me, Juliana! He thought that we would never work after college. I'm just trying to make the best of this stupid camp! I haven't changed!"

"Alice, back me up here!" Juliana turned to Alice.

"Well, you have been hanging out with D-tent a lot, Ade," Alice said sheepishly.

"You're right, I have. Maybe if Jules wasn't mad at me…"

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm all emotional. The heat is getting to me," Juliana apologized with a bloody smile.

"I'm sorry too. I won't act like a whore anymore," Adrienne smiled. "Friends?"

"Friends."

"Well, good. No more fighting among friends!" Alice smiled wide.

"Oh, Ade you got a letter from Cecil," Juliana laughed at the name with Alice.

"Did I?" Adrienne took the letter, ready to open it as Giorgio ran up.

"Guys, I have a plan," he smiled.

"We aren't guys," Juliana smiled, wiping her bloody nose. Adrienne sucked on her bleeding lip. From the look of the two girls, neither had won the fight.

"Zero is the answer to all our problems," Giorgio kept his smile and started to explain his plan.

* * *

_Woot! Another chapter! I have had serious writer's block, believe me. I've actually been busy too. I am not a multi-tasker. Anyway, thanks to LeMoNsOuR (I'm sorry about my bad updation, which is a funny word so kudos to you. That is a totally weird story line. Maybe I'll do it. I need ideas.), Brokenangel1753 (woot for liking! I is such a great writer that everyone likes me story. So great with grammar too), TeaCat (Yeah… that is the point of the faking thing. If you didn't guess, Gina is a moron and she thought that making her intern spies stereotypes would improve the mission. I was trying to do like in movies when every character is a stereotype, but these are just normal people who aren't like stereotypes. See, that's the funny part. Gina is stupid and thinks stereotypes will work when they obviously don't), GE (ahh, thanks. I like how far-fetched it is too. It's fun to write a story with no meaning and not much reality. Your review made me feel all fuzzy inside. Really, thanks), and Nosilla (I KNOW, DUDE! So much weird stuff! I need to commit to a storyline, seriously. But I don't so… the weird stuff will remain until I eventually do) for the wonderful reviews. I like reviews. You want to review? Then please, please, PLEASE do. I like to feel like I'm wanted._


	13. Gina is Crying?

**Disclaimer**

**Holes I do not own**

* * *

Juliana stared at Giorgio for a moment after he had explained his plan, "Wait, I don't get it."

Adrienne kept sucking on her lip, "My lip hurts."

"Okay, so why Zero? I mean, if we centered on X-Ray, he would convince everyone to go," Alice said as she crossed her arms in thought.

"But that is just it, Alice my girl! Zero won't listen, and I severely doubt that Caveman would leave without Zero so we would then have to get those two out when there will probably be more security around them."

"If Zero leaves, they may expect…."

"Zero doesn't have family. In the camp's eyes, no one cares for him. If he leaves, he was never here," Giorgio gave a sideways smile.

"My lip really hurts," Adrienne frowned.

"Giorgio, I don't think that it will work! I think we need to center on X-Ray."

"I'm telling you that Zero is the answer."

"Dude, my lip, it hurts!"

"So what if Zero leaves first? We still have to get the rest of them to go and then we would need X-Ray. He will stay away from us if we get Zero to leave because he'll expect it."

"You are giving him too much credit. You know, D-Tent is kind of… how to put this… full of morons! Their leader is a moron."

"Ah, my nose hurts too! Not as much as my lip though."

"He is not a moron!"

"Look, we get Zero to leave and then we can get the whole lot of D-Tent to leave. Caveman will not leave without Zero, but if Zero is gone, he'll go with the group. It is perfect! Plus, the camp won't expect it. Zero is not friends with them. He keeps to himself. No one will suspect that the rest of D-Tent will leave."

"I think I bit my tongue. Anyone have Listerine? Ow! Lip! Hurts!"

"That is rather ingenious, Giorgio."

"Thank you much, dear."

Juliana, who had been holding back laughter throughout the whole conversation, burst out into peals of laughter.

The three others turned to her, "What?"

"That was just… so amazingly random! Zero and X-Ray and Adrienne's lip… SO GREAT!" Juliana laughed.

"Stop laughing, you! This place is not about laughing, it is about punishment!" a familiar female voice said.

"Hello, Gina," the four said together in monotone. Juliana had stopped laughing immediately at the sound of the voice.

"It's Miss Gene, thank you," Gina replied, smoothing out her wig.

"What is it you need, _Miss Gene_," Adrienne smiled slightly.

Gina sighed, "Can we go somewhere private?"

"Ooh, I think I'm going to fly the coop here. I am not much into 'going somewhere private' with chicks," Giorgio narrowed his eyes. "Actually, I don't really like it with guys either. They always break up with me. Stupid pricks... Anyway, leaving! Bye, Miss Gene."

Giorgio hurried off, and the three interns led their boss to their tent with no swing in their step at all. They all sat on their respected cots and leaned back when they got in, all staring at Gina.

"So, what is it you needed?" Adrienne asked plainly.

"I need help," Gina slumped down on Greg's cot.

"With what? Did we do something wrong?" Alice piped in.

"I don't understand why Mr. Sir doesn't like me!" Gina burst into loud, obnoxious tears.

"Oh my God, she's crying!" Juliana whispered. "What do we do?"

"I don't know," Alice answered, shocked.

"I didn't know that she had the kind enough capacity to _feel_," Adrienne whispered back with her mouth hanging open.

"I'm pretty!" Gina shrieked. "Why doesn't he like me?"

"Uh… well, Gina, maybe he is…" Adrienne started, trying to comfort her but couldn't think of anything and whispered to her friends. "What is he?"

"Intimidated," Juliana whispered."

"Intimidated. Maybe he is intimidated by you, Gina."

"Intimidated? Howcouldhebeintimidatedbyme?"

"What did she say?" Adrienne asked quietly.

The other girls shrugged with their mouths gaping open.

"Is it the wig? It's the wig, isn't it? It has a gray hair! I found it! I got an OLD LADY WIG!"

"Gina, you didn't…"

"IT MAKES ME LOOK LESS PRETTY! I AM PRETTY! I AM PRETTY!"

"Of course you are, Gina."

"WHY WON'T MR. SIR LOVE ME?"

Just then, Tap burst in with a big smile, "The toaster is in love with the omelet!"

"AND NOW LOONY BIN IS HERE!" Gina broke into louder sobs and buried her face in Greg's pillow.

"Is Gina's face leaking?" Tap asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"She's crying," the three girls answered.

"That is Gina right?"

"Yep."

"_Gina_ is _crying_?"

"Yep."

"I must be crazy."

"If you're crazy, we are crazy too," Adrienne answered.

"What about the omelet?" Juliana asked, still staring at Gina.

"Wha?" Tap stared at Gina too.

"The toaster and the omelet… thing… omelet and…. I don't know what you said."

"Oh. I was talking in code."

"Ah, I see."

"I'm in love with Zigzag."

"He's an omelet?"

"I don't know. I don't really understand my code-speak so much."

The only sound in the tent was Gina's wailing at that point. The girls stared at her, struck dumb by her show of feeling. Then, Trixie burst in.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fu…. Is there a hyena in here?" Trixie looked around the tent. "Wait, who is that?"

"Gina," the girls said together.

"Why is she making that horrible noise?"

"She's crying?"

"_Gina_ is _crying_?"

"Yep."

"What the fuck?"

"Exactly," Adrienne answered.

"What were you cursing about?" Juliana asked.

"Eh?" Trixie stared at Gina's shaking form.

"You were cursing… a lot… I was just wondering… oh, forget it."

"Oh, yeah. Fucking, I think I just agreed to go on a god damn date with that fat ass Armpit."

"That's mean, Trixie," Alice said, her eyes slightly glazing over.

"Hey, you go on a fucking date with the bastard then!"

"EVEN THE FOUL ONE CAN GET A DATE! WHATISWRONGWITHME?" Gina's wails became louder.

"Good work, Trixie," Adrienne said as she went to Gina to comfort her. Gina buried her head into Adrienne's chest and continued crying.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to fucking make the bitch cry more!" Trixie tried to defend herself.

"This is so degrading," Adrienne frowned.

Just then, Greg ran in looking upset.

"Armpit, Trixie? How can you go out with Armpit? He smells!" Greg threw up his hands and then looked over to Adrienne and Gina. "Why is Juliana crying, Adrienne?"

"I'm not crying," Juliana said.

"Then who's that?"

"Gina," all the girls said together.

"_Gina_ is _crying_?"

"Yep."

"Why is she on my cot?"

"Leave her alone," Adrienne hissed.

"Why are you so upset that Trixie is going out with Armpit?" Juliana asked, having lost interest in Gina.

"Excuse me?" Greg turned to her.

"Why are you so upset about Trixie?"

"I'm in love…" he caught himself. "No reason."

Giorgio peeked into the tent, "Hey, Tap, Zigzag is looking for you."

"Yay!" Tap sprinted out of the tent.

Giorgio peered back in, having moved out of the way for Tap, "Gina is crying then?"

"Yep," the interns answered.

"Huh."

"I CAN'T STAND THE ROMANCE!" Gina yelped again.

"Oh, Gina, Mr. Sir is looking for you too," Giorgio said with a smile.

She stopped crying in a second, "Really?"

"He sure is. Says he needs to speak with you about something."

"He's going to confess his love to me!" Gina ran out as Giorgio stepped in to avoid being trampled by her. She peered back in after a moment, "Oh, Greg, you were great as a gay man today. Kudos!"

Greg's face was angry shock as he stared after her. His eye started to twitch slightly and then he raced toward his gun. The rest of the night was spent sedating him. He stopped reaching for the gun after an hour or so, but when Trixie went on her date, he was inconsolable and started screaming about nothing at all. By the time he was duck taped to his cot and gagged, the whole group of interns were tired and ready to get a good three hours of sleep.

_

* * *

__So, that was it. Gina is just so… Gina. I like crazy people. Uh… anyway, thanks to my reviewers, GE (Hole to China… I like it. Oh, thanks for the kudos. I like to make people laugh), Nosilla (I KNOW DUDE! ISN'T IT? Ok, a little overexcited there, but no matter. Weird stuff good) and BrokenAngel1753 (loved). Reviews man, I like them. Really, everyone, please do review. It makes me happy. Everyone loves a happy writer! Now to do homework…. _


	14. The Warden Must Die

**Disclaimer**

**Yeah, dude, I don't own Holes.**

Gina stared at herself in the mirror as she had everyday she had been at the camp. She took off her wig to reveal her hair. It hadn't seen the light of day in a while. She stared at herself, wondering what she was doing wrong with Mr. Sir. She _always_ got the man. She was homecoming queen in high school! She was in a sorority in college! She was well liked! Well… maybe not _liked_, but generally known. She had everything once, well, she did still have quite a bit being close to the top at work and she was still dead sexy, but that ugly wig just made it all seem worthless. There was also the point of that warden. Horrible woman, but Gina had to admit, she had style. And that was when it hit her. Mr. Sir could not see her because he was in love with the warden. That had to be it. Now, the warden had to die and not be found too. One of the holes would be a good place to bury the woman. Yeah, a hole… now to find an intern to do the dirty work.

Gina walked with her shoulders held high as she went to where the campers were digging. She liked to call the juvenile delinquents there campers because it hit her as ironic to call them campers. And she would laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh some more when she was thinking or saying it. But not today. Today she had a mission and that mission was to get that loser one to kill the warden. She spotted the loser one walking with the slut one and the black one, all holding their shovels and laughing.

"Hey! Hey! HEY!" Gina called, running up to them.

"Hello, Gina," they all said together. Lovely reception.

"Miss Gene, actually."

"What do you need, _Miss Gene_," the slut one asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Gina placed her hand on the loser one's shoulder, "Just need a discussion with you, dear."

"See you later, Jules," the black one smiled sympathetically.

"If you aren't back in five minutes, we're calling Mom," the slut one smiled.

"Don't call him Mom, Adrienne!" the black one lectured.

"I'm sorry, Alice! It's habit!"

Gina waited till the two were gone to pull the loser one aside. She had forgotten her name for the moment, but there didn't need to be names involved. A huge smile appeared on Gina's face.

"Uh oh, what did I do and how bad are you going to hurt me?" the loser one flinched.

"I do not want to hurt you! I am offering a proposition," Gina kept smiling.

"What is it?"

"Well, you see, I want to have crazy sex with Mr. Sir, have all of his babies, and then live in a houseboat somewhere in Florida killing gators for money."

"Excuse me?"

"All right, the basic premise was I want to have hot sex with Mr. Sir and…"

"OOOOHHH! EW EW EW EW EW EW! Why did you tell me that? Really? I didn't want to know. Ew. I think I am scarred for life now. God, ew."

"I didn't ask your opinion, thanks. Now, there is one problem with my wish…"

"It will end the world?"

"Shut up. Mr. Sir is in love with the warden, so she must be eliminated."

"Why are you telling me this? I have no interest in your thoughts and dreams."

"You kill the warden, and I will get you out of here."

The loser one narrowed her eyes slightly, "What becomes of everyone else?"

"I'll let them go too with rave reviews on their performance. You aren't going to get rave reviews with the utter crap filled job you all are doing. Giorgio will, but not you or the others. Especially you. You never act like one of the guys."

"That's because I'm not one of the guys!"

"Spy work is a lot like acting. You must conform to your character if you want to progress in this field."

"Do actors kill people?"

"Matters who you ask."

"I don't even want to know. Look, Gina, I…"

"Miss Gene!"

"I can't kill someone. I can't! There is no way I have it in me!"

"Back to the acting thing! Act like you have it in you!"

"If you care so much, you kill her. You would do a much better job."

"Duh, stupid. I know I would, but the problem is that I do not wish too."

"I'm not killing anyone."

"Think it over, all right, and get back to me. I will make it worth your while and your friends' too."

Gina walked off proud of herself. Now all she needed to do was find a ravishing wedding dress for her marriage to Mr. Sir. She started to think it over in her head. Nice puffy sleeves, maybe some shoulder pads, a wonder bra… yeah, it would be an absolutely _fabulous_ dress.

She walked intent on her thoughts of her wedding dress when she tripped over something and fell on her face. She clung to her wig for dear life, hoping no one had seen her real, beautiful hair. She saw two pairs of cowboy boots appear before her.

"You all right, Miss Gene?" a familiar voice asked with uncaring.

Gina sprang up, "Oh, Mr. Sir! How are you today? Good I hope! I'm fine, really. Actually, I'm just lovely! May have hurt my face a bit, but I am fine and dandy!"

"Right, you should watch out for shovels around here. The girl scouts tend to leave them everywhere."

"Ha! Girl scouts! That's funny! I used to be a girl scout, and I would make people buy cookies by kidnapping their pets! It was great! I always got a stuffed animal."

"Uh huh. So, I should be going…."

"I'll go with you! I'm not doing much!"

"I'm going to see the warden. I'd let you come, of course, but she only wants to see me."

"Oh. Well then, I will see you later?" God please.

"Uh… sure. I'll see you later." He walked away fast, looking back to make sure she wasn't following him.

"Call me! Like just call out my name, and I'll hear you! Or you can come by my tent! Or something of the like!" Gina called after him, losing her vigor quickly.

That was it. The warden had to die and that loser intern would not be able to do it. Of course, if she agreed, she would do it, but it just wouldn't be enough. Gina would just have to run the body over a few times before burying it. Maybe make Pendanski do it… yeah… he's a sap. But he stopped coming around after the shoe incident. Gina never knew that a shoe could knock out teeth, especially an Ugg boot. Those are so soft and cushy! How could a shoe be knocked out? She didn't know, but she did know that the warden had to die, no ifs ands or buts about it.

* * *

_I know it is short, but I wanted to put something out. I swear that the next chapter will be rather long for you all. Maybe it will have more letters. I haven't quite decided. Thank you to GE (I love that line too, but that is mostly because I like the word 'foul' a lot. Ooh, you'll see about Greg and Trixie. I promise next chapter to get that all in the open. And I'm posting for you because you made me feel so nice. Kudos!), emddozen (Ooh, you blew my anonymity! I like to repeat myself, is all. Gina crying is quite a feat), Nosilla (yes, Gina was in fact crying. I don't know if it was said enough that she was crying… weird yo), and BrokenAngel1753 (Oh, thanks. I like to be funny sometimes). So, yeah, woot! _


	15. Uh what?

**Disclaimer**

**I do not own Holes, yo.**

Giorgio, Alice and Adrienne sat on the couch in the wreck room whispering among themselves as Juliana walked in with a blank expression on her face. She sat down next to them staring into space and scratching her head.

"Hey, Jules, what did _Miss Gene_ want?" Adrienne smirked.

Juliana didn't answer.

"Jules?"

Nothing.

"Yo, did a leech eat your brain or something, Jules?" Alice waved her hand before Juliana's face.

"Gina wants me to kill the warden," Juliana frowned.

Giorgio laughed out loud, "Amazing! You killing someone? I can't believe it!"

"Hey, she did ask me, so she must think I can do it!"

"Juliana, you can't even kill a spider, let alone a person."

"I don't like spiders!"

"Let's just drop it, okay?" Adrienne smiled. "Now, back to our plan to get Zero to escape."

"Yeah, I'm concerned that we won't be able to reach him," Alice bit her lip slightly. "I mean, he only talks to Caveman."

"I think he might have talked to me, but not much. I don't quite remember because, oh my god, the kid is incredibly _creepy_. It was like talking to Tap when she thinks that a room is bugged," Giorgio cringed.

Adrienne, Alice and Juliana all shuddered at the thought. Tap was like a zombie when she thought a room was bugged. Half the time one of them thought she would start eating brains at any moment.

"Speaking of Tap, where is she?" Juliana looked around the room.

"I have no idea," Adrienne and Alice said together.

"I think she went out with Zigzag a little bit ago. I don't much want to know what they are doing," Giorgio kept his cringe.

Greg slammed down onto the couch just then, his face looking incredibly mean.

"Hey Greg," Juliana smiled slightly as she pushed away from him.

"What does Armpit have that I don't have? Really, what is so great about him?" Greg crossed his arms as he stared at Trixie and Armpit laughing about something or another.

"Well, he doesn't lunge for a gun every other day," Giorgio gave a cheeky smile.

"Trixie and I have been friends since we were kids! How can she just pass me over!" Greg threw up his hands.

"Because you are friends and dating a friend is skeevy?" Adrienne leaned on her hand with an amused smile.

"Adrienne, would you act like my girlfriend to make Trixie jealous?"

"You're gay."

"Oh yeah."

Giorgio burst out laughing, "YOU'RE GAY? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

"Look what you did, Greg! You made him _laugh!"_ Juliana covered her mouth in horror.

"Deplorable!" Alice cried.

"Hey, Ade, what was in that letter from Cecil, anyway?" Juliana asked.

"I didn't read it," Adrienne answered.

"Why not? Don't you love this Cecil fellow?" Giorgio asked with a wide smile.

"That's exactly why I can't read it. I'm confused right now. I don't think that we should talk about it anymore."

"You know, I doubt that this Zero thing will work. I really doubt it," Alice mused.

"And why is that, Alice darling?" Giorgio asked, having lost interest in Adrienne.

"Because, I just don't."

"We'll see tomorrow what happens. If he still seems dead to the world, we'll leave the kid alone and make a new plan. Ok?"

"Ok."

And what happened the next day was the most amazing thing that could ever happen. First, Greg decided that he would shoot himself and found out that his gun was, in fact, not loaded. That set the stage for everyone waking up to Greg trying to hang himself, from the tent top, with a small ankle sock. Trixie laughed at him, called him a "fucktard" and left without a second thought. That led to having to drag the poor boy out crying. Then, while everyone was digging their holes coughtalking about the pros and cons of life as a lizardcough Zero escaped.

Now, one would think that Giorgio would flaunt the fact that Zero not only escaped, but escaped by smacking Pendanski in the head with a shovel which he pseudo suggested. One would be right in that case because, well, Giorgio did not dig his hole at all because he was harassing Alice, who was digging her hole.

"Leave me alone, Giorgio!" Alice snapped as she got out of her hole.

"You are just mad that I was right! I WAS RIGHT! ALICE WAS WRONG! WOOO!" Giorgio followed her with a wide grin.

"What was that 'WOOO' thing?" Adrienne smiled up from her seat by Juliana's hole.

"A sound of triumph!" Giorgio responded with his grin intact.

"Well great, Zero escaped. Now we have to find him so he doesn't die!" Alice turned on Giorgio, nearly knocking him over from surprise.

"I don't think that is our mother fucking job, darling," Trixie smiled as she jumped into her hole.

"Where were you?" Greg asked from his hole that was three times deeper than it should have been.

"Would you god damn stop digging your fucking grave, Greggy, and leave me the hell alone?" Trixie replied as she dug her shovel into the dirt.

"What are we going to do about Zero? He'll die out there!" Alice nearly yelped.

"Again, not our fu… falafel," Trixie's eyes grew wide as she looked behind Alice. "Hello, X-Ray!"

"Hello," X-Ray nodded. "Hey, Captain, did you see what Zero did? It was amazing!"

"I did see it, actually. And now I must make a case to Ms. Gene for a search party," Alice replied grudgingly.

"Or an escape party," Giorgio smirked.

"A what?" Squid asked as he walked up.

"Don't you see? If Zero could do it, anyone can do it. Don't say it came from me, but I'm suggesting we all escape," Giorgio's smirk grew to a new degree of cockiness.

"No," Squid immediately replied.

"Why not?" The smirk disappeared.

"Well, Zero escaped because he is stupid. I am not and will not escape to die."

"That can be debated," Juliana said under her breath.

Adrienne kicked her as X-Ray started laughing.

"Did you just call me stupid?" Squid asked.

"No, no, I just said that your intelligence is debatable," Juliana crawled out of her hole, "which may or may not be calling you stupid."

"I think it would be hot for someone to escape. I mean, Zero looked pretty sexy hitting Pendanski with that shovel. Don't you agree, Alice?" Adrienne nudged Alice.

"Of course I don't…. Yes, definitely. Risking your life is so sexy. Like, 50 Cent? Sexy!" Alice nearly gagged from the lie.

"Yep. So, we should get going. Have some things to do," Juliana gave a slight smile and pushed her friends to their tent.

Giorgio leaned on his shovel, smirking at X-Ray and Squid as they exchanged looks, "So, did you guys hear about Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? Isn't that crazy?"

* * *

"We have to do something," Alice slumped down on her cot.

"I know! This Greg trying to kill himself thing is starting to fucking annoy me!" Trixie paced at the entrance of the tent.

"It's obviously because he is in love with you, Trix," Adrienne said into her pillow.

"Are you sleeping? Zero could be dead out there!" Alice shouted.

"I'm not sleeping anymore," Adrienne rolled over.

"I'm sure he's not dead," Juliana said as she ate some of the chocolates that Giorgio had been harboring for Glenn.

"Yeah, Alice, stop going batshit," Trixie frowned.

Just then, Magnet burst into the tent. Trixie screamed and fell onto Alice, who had shot up.

"Hello Magnet," Juliana greeted.

He nodded at her, looking nervous.

"Want to sit?"

He shook his head.

"Want some chocolate?"

"No, no," he responded.

Giorgio came into the tent just then looking satisfied.

"Well, I should be going," Magnet nodded and rushed out of the tent.

"What did you do to him?" Giorgio asked, looking after Magnet.

"Have no idea," Juliana frowned.

"Are you eating Glenn's chocolates! I'LL KILL YOU!" Giorgio shouted, nearly pouncing on Juliana.

* * *

"I don't like the new kid," Tap glared at the boy who had replaced Zero.

"What's his name?" Giorgio asked as he read a Star magazine.

"Have no idea," the whole group said together.

"How long has Zero been gone?" Alice asked as she stared into space.

"Oh, did I tell you guys what Zig did yesterday! Well, we were making out, you see and he…"

"Ew! I'm going to go puke now!" Juliana shot up and left the cafeteria.

"I don't want to know, but I do. What did he do?" Adrienne asked.

"Well, he put his hands on my…"

"How are you and Armpit?" Greg asked Trixie while Tap continued talking.

"We're fine," Trixie took a bite of the unknown substance that was lunch.

"Good. I'm glad for you."

"I'm sure you are."

"You don't have to be mean."

"You're the one who is being fucking mean! You're treating me like shit!"

"I am? You are treating me worse!"

"I am not, you fucktard!"

"You know how I feel about you, and you flash him around!"

"Excuse me? How do you feel about me?"

"I love you, Trixie! I love you more than he ever could!"

"What?"

"Ew! Oh, Tap, that is nasty!" Alice shrieked.

Giorgio and Adrienne just laughed as Alice shuddered.

"I liked it," Tap gave a small smile.

Juliana walked to her tent with a smile. She had to admit that even though Tap and ZigZag were experimental at most, they were cute. Insanity to the max always makes for a good relationship. She walked into her tent and immediately went for "Glenn's" chocolates. As she came out from under Giorgio's bunk, she was scared out of her wits to see Magnet in the tent. She smacked her head against Alice's bunk in her surprise.

"Hi, Magnet," she said, very much in pain.

"I have a confession to make. Although you are socially awkward and not as pretty as Adrienne or Alice," Magnet started.

"Well, thank you for that, Magnet," Juliana rose up and opened the chocolate box.

"I love you," he said quickly.

She nearly choked on the chocolate she had just popped into her mouth, "What?"

"I love you, most ardently."

"Do you even know what ardently means?"

"I love you, Juliana."

"Yeah, I got it. I'm just a little confused."

"Why?"

"Well, you insulted me and then you said you loved me and, like… whenever I would try to flirt with you, you would turn me down. So… yeah, I'm a little confused. And I'm a little upset because I just spit out that chocolate, and it was delicious."

"I couldn't just flirt with you! The boys think you are inferior to us!"

"Where are you coming up with these words? You aren't smart!"

"You'd be surprised."

"I am surprised! I have no idea what is going on right now!"

"You have to marry me."

"No! Just… no! What is with you? You're acting like you are in a fanfiction, and I am a Mary Sue!"

"What?"

"I can't have this conversation right now. I have to go."

Juliana rushed out of the tent incredibly confused and still grieving for the chocolate.

* * *

_Heh, I totally stole Magnet's crazyness from Pride and Prejudice. I love that movie. Anyway, sorry that is has been a while since I posted. I've been busy and had writer's block. Thanks to LeMoNsOuR (heh, you are awesome. I very much liked that review, really), BrokenAngel1753 (Gina is insane. That's why I like her), and Montelijao (uh… okay. I'm going to assume that you said: Delete this shit and get a life; it's too messed up and corny. If that was what you said, I tried to not make my story corny, and I'm sorry if it seemed like it to you, but I will not "delete this shit." Also, if you were trying to hurt my feelings, TRY USING PROPER ENGLISH! I only laughed at you because you made soooo many mistakes in that whole illiterate rant. Also, please don't write any fanfiction until you learn proper grammar. So, anyway, thanks for the laugh!). I will try to post sooner! Really! I will try! Right. Review if you feel the need, kthnx!_


	16. Harvard vs Love

**Disclaimer**

**What ever they said I own is lies! LIES!**

Juliana walked fast back to the cafeteria as Adrienne, Trixie and Alice came out. Adrienne was reading something as Alice closed her eyes tight, and Trixie chewed on her nail.

"Alice, what the fuck?" Trixie slapped her shoulder.

"I'm trying to wash my mind out of that mental image that Tap gave me," Alice cringed.

"Oh come on, I have seen worse on one of my dad's fuck tapes."

"What?"

"Porn. I call porn fuck tapes."

"That makes it worse."

Adrienne stopped reading the note abruptly, "I can't believe this. I cannot believe this!"

"Come on, fuck tape isn't that bad!" Trixie defended herself. "It's not as bad as shit mobile!"

"Thanks for reminding me!" Alice yelped.

"Not that, Trixie, Cecil! I can't believe him!"

"What did he do?" Trixie asked as Alice continued to "cleanse" her mind.

"He just… my Cecil… I can't believe him. I can't believe him!"

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing," Adrienne started to cry as she tore up the note and then started jumping on it. "Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING!"

"Wow, dude, fucking stop! People are going to see you!" Trixie tried to stop her just as Juliana walked up looking just as confused as she had been when Gina asked her to kill the warden.

"Hello, Jules," Adrienne said, still crying slightly.

"Oh thank God! She was freaking me the fuck out!" Trixie said, relieved.

"Where did you go?" Adrienne asked.

"Um…" Juliana started, not sure how to explain the situation.

"Maybe we should go to the tent," Alice said as she tried to comfort Adrienne.

"NO! No, no, that's a bad idea," Juliana shouted.

"Why are you shouting?" Adrienne asked.

"No reason. Nothing."

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

"NOTHING! OH MY CECIL!" Adrienne burst into tears.

"Look what you did! She is crying again! It is mother fucking annoying!" Trixie said through clenched teeth.

"I'm sure she didn't mean to," Alice remarked, putting her arm around Adrienne. "Maybe we should go back to the tent."

"Please no," Juliana pleaded.

"Hey look, there's Magnet! MAGNET! OH MAGNET, BUDDY! COME OVER HHHEEEERRRREEE!" Trixie yelped as she jumped up and down.

"Tent it is!" Juliana cried as she dragged the crying Adrienne and Alice with her to the tent as fast as she could. Trixie stood there for a moment trying to figure out where they were going, but then she realized and followed after.

"Wait guys! Wait!"

"Dude, what was that for, exactly?" Alice asked, grasping her hurt arm as the three came into their tent.

"Magnet… he… he…." Juliana breathed

"What is with you guys not finishing sentences! I can't help you if you are saying vague crap like, 'Magnet… he… he….' It's annoying!"

"Leaving a most cherished friend is also annoying! Why would you just leave me!" Trixie snarled as she rushed in.

"Look, you've made Trixie so upset she can't cuss!" Alice snapped at Juliana.

"Magnet said he loved me!" Juliana screamed.

Adrienne looked up from her collapsed position on her cot, "What now?"

"He said he loved me, and he asked me to marry him, and it was incredibly weird!"

"You can't marry him! What about college? What about life? What about me? You were supposed to be my fallback if I weren't married by the time I was thirty!"

"I didn't agree to it! Are you crazy? I don't even know him!"

Trixie scratched her head, "What exactly is going on here?"

Alice crossed her arms, "That's exactly what I want to know."

"Why were you crying, Adrienne?"

Adrienne looked up, "Cecil… he… he…."

Alice grabbed Adrienne by the shoulders, "Don't make me smack you."

"He's going to Harvard."

Adrienne covered her mouth as if what she just said was poisonous and burst into tears again.

"What?" the three other girls asked together.

"We were supposed to go to Yale together and then… he is going to Harvard! That is blasphemy in my book! Go to Princeton or something, but not _Harvard_! Oh, what about the football game between the two? I'll have to cheer against my boyfriend or cheer against my school…. I can't even stand the thought!"

"But… you guys broke up," Alice raised an eyebrow.

"He said he wanted to get back together in his letter. Harvard. How can he go to Harvard? I thought we meant more than that."

The tent was silent for a moment. Then Tap burst in with a bright smile. Alice, Trixie and Juliana jumped back in surprise. Adrienne smiled and waved to her.

"Guys, great news!" Tap smiled wide.

"What?" the four said together.

"Greg is going to be beat by a pulp by Armpit!"

"WHAT!"

"Yeah."

"How is that great news?" Trixie asked, shaking Tap a little.

"Well, it will make Greg seem gay. Have you seem him try to punch someone?"

"Come on, we have to stop them!" Adrienne said as she got up and raced out the tent.

"Where are you guys going? You're going to get blood on your jumpsuits!" Tap called after them. "Wait for me!"

* * *

Gina sat on a lawn chair in front of the library, thinking very hard about what life must be like for a copy machine. She squinted her eyes slightly as she watched the loser one, the slut, the annoying black one, the foul one and the nutcase walking fast to the wreck room. She thought for only a moment about following them, but then started to think about John Travolta on fire and every other thought blew out of her mind. She moved in her seat slightly as she started to envision Travolta's skin burning off. Then she saw Mr. Sir going fast toward the wreck room. She rose up in her seat immediately.

"Mr. Sir! I have something to discuss with you!" she called.

He stopped dead in his tracks, "Can it wait?"

"I don't wait."

Mr. Sir sighed and walked up to her, looking her straight in the face and revealing a horrible looking scratch on his face. Gina screamed in disgust.

"What is that?" she asked, covering her face.

"It's been there for a while," he replied.

"Ew. Ew. What is… ew. Oh, I can't even look at it…. Oh ew! Now it's even more disgusting since I looked away!"

"What did you need to discuss?"

"Um… oh yeah! Um… Mr. Sir, I believe you know what my intentions are."

"Your intentions?"

"Yes, my intentions."

"I don't know what your intentions are."

"Well, you should."

"Well, I don't."

"Mr. Sir, you are playing with my emotions."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are! You see, every time I talk to you, you make me more and more in love with you, and I can't stand it! I am not one of those girls who is crazy for a guy! I am pretty! Pretty girls don't do that! We take them, and we throw them away, but you haven't given me that chance! All you do is play with my emotions, and it is _really_ pissing me off!"

Mr. Sir stood there dumbfounded with his mouth wide open, and his eyes glazing over.

"And that thing on your face is really quite putrid and foul," Gina crossed her arms, getting her last words in.

"You…" Mr. Sir started.

"I what?"

"You are scary. Now, I have to go because there is a fight in the wreck room."

"Sure there is, and there is a group of intern spies planning to make one of the tents escape! You don't need to lie to me!"

"I'm going away now, so…. Hey, look over there!"

"Where?" Gina looked.

When she looked back, Mr. Sir was gone and only a puff of dust remained. She slumped down on her lawn chair and again thought of John Travolta on fire until her mind turned to the idea of an elephant clown on wheels.

* * *

_So, kids, that was it. I am trying for a holiday thing. Trying to update on a timely basis. Thanks to VeriTEra (uh… okay. Glad you like it), Anony (well thank you. I'm glad that I made you laugh and Tap is quite funny), BrokenAngel1753 (I like Magnet because he was like Darcy, and I like Darcy, so that is always good), GE (I LOVE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! I didn't see it five times or anything because I loved it so much… I totally didn't, don't accuse me of anything. I like that Giorgio likes reading Star magazine. I don't know why, but I just do), Nosilla (I will make a note for future chapters that Magnet is yours. Pride and Prejudice rad beyond words. Gina is insane, and that is why she is so likable), and LeMoNsOuR (Yep, Magnet is weird. Weird like a fox! Okay, that didn't make sense, but I thought it was appropriate for the time being. I'm sure that that very lovely person who told me to erase my story was reading someone else's. I'm sure. C2 is fine. It took me a while to understand though. Still don't understand it and I don't care either! Woot!) Anyway, soI'll try to do more updating. We have to see what happens to Greg! I don't even know what will happen. It will be an experience for the both of us._


	17. Horrible Idea

**

* * *

**

Disclaimer

**I do not own Holes or my sanity.**

Greg raised his fists as Armpit rounded on him. It was then that Greg realized just how big Armpit was. He squinted slightly as his mind began to race.

"Well, Greg, this was a horrible idea. Really, you are quite stupid. Man, he is a very large um… boy? Would Armpit be called a boy? He isn't a man, is he? He's not a boy, but not yet a man. Oh my god, I am making references to a Britney Spears song. Oh no. This was a horrible idea. Yeah… escape. Look for an escape route. I would rather not die today. Yeah… escape, that would be good," he thought as his eyes started to dart around the room.

"Hmm… window might be good… no, Squid is over there. Dude, I have never seen a towel look more menacing. He's probably going to choke me with it. And it was on his head. It will be all sweaty. Not only will I die, but I will die wet with sweat. Ew. Okay, another way out… um… the door? No, that kid from J Tent is over there. I heard he bites. I don't really want to be bit. He could give me rabies or something. All right, window is out, door is out, and there is… no other way out. Hmm….

"Well, I could either fight and die or roll up into a ball and die. If I roll up, I will look like a wuss, and then he may be merciful with me. If I fight, I may break my hand and then he may be merciful with me. But then if I don't die, I'll have a broken hand and that would be uncomfortable. But maybe I could go home. I may be fired though…. I could get a job at Starbucks. Or uh… J.C. Penney's. They are always hiring. Heard they paid okay. But then I hate people, and I think would snap at someone. That may get me fired. I could become an evil villain. That might be kind of cool. I've heard the pay is crap though. They never get their ransoms because of the damn good guy. Oh, but if I were to invent something that I could make billions and billions of dollars with, then I could build my evil empire. Yes. How about a uh… hmm… a um… lawn flamingo that acts as a uh… surveillance system and shoots lasers at burglars. That would be cool. Then I could make an army of flamingos and take over the world. Yeah. That's a great idea."

"Are you going to hit me or just stand there with your fists up?" Armpit asked as the whole group around laughed.

"I have always thought that it is better to wait until the precise moment to strike," Greg responded as his mind said, "This was a horrible idea, Greg. A horrible, horrible idea."

Armpit stared at him blankly, "The what moment?"

"Precise?"

"Look, hit me or I will hit you first!"

"Greg! What are you doing?" Trixie screamed as she entered the wreck room.

Greg turned to look at her quickly, "Trixie?"

Unfortunately for Greg, Armpit only saw the sudden movement and punched Greg right in the jaw. He was down in a second. Then it turned into total chaos. Adrienne tackled Armpit, Juliana started screaming, Trixie went to the unconscious Greg and Alice started lashing into X-Ray for letting the whole thing happen. Tap stood by watching with wide eyes. Giorgio ran in excited as Armpit started spinning to get Adrienne off.

"We got mail!" Giorgio yelled happily before he saw the scene before him. "Wow, what happened in here?"

"Well, Greg started a fight with Armpit, then the girls ran in, then Armpit hit Greg, then Adrienne tackled Armpit, Juliana started to scream, Alice started yelling at X-Ray, Trixie tried to revive Greg, and I made a lovely idea for my date with Zig tonight," Tap responded, leaning on the door frame.

"Right," Giorgio frowned. "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

Everyone stopped and stared at Giorgio as he continued.

"What is wrong with you people! Armpit, why would you even get into a fight with Greg? He is much smaller than you! And all of you just standing there watching and let it happen? You all disgust me! Everyone must have known Greg would be pummeled, but everyone just watched! Adrienne, get off of freaking Armpit, Alice, X-Ray had nothing to do with this, and Trixie, he got into a fight because of you, so sit on that for a moment. Now I am going to go read my letter and maybe write a reply to that letter while eating some chocolate. Excuse me, as I am the only sane person in this whole camp."

With that, Giorgio swooped down, picked Greg up, and walked out of the wreck room.

Adrienne jumped off of Armpit and crossed her arms. The whole room was silent for a moment.

"Did you guys know that the average person spends thirty years mad at a family member?" Tap asked.

There was a collective rolling of eyes and life started up as normal. A pool game started, people started talking and the whole thing blew over.

* * *

Greg woke up on his cot, not sure of where he was.

"Oh my god, I'm dead," he said aloud.

"Nope, Greg, you couldn't be so lucky," Giorgio responded as he read his letter.

Greg rose up, rubbing his jaw, "What happened?"

"You got punched."

"How did I get here?"

"I carried you."

"What are you reading?"

"A letter from my parents in Africa. Apparently they were almost attacked by lions, and my dad peed his pants."

"Are we still at the camp?"

"Yes."

"Is my gun still not loaded?"

"I believe it is still not loaded, Greg."

"Damn."

Greg laid back down as Giorgio continued reading his letter.

"Giorgio?"

"Yes, Greg?"

"Was Trixie impressed?"

"I don't think so."

"Damn."

The two sat there in silence, bonding only as two people who had been stuck in a camp for juvenile delinquents could.

* * *

_So, yeah, that was rather short, I think, but I could not think of anything to write. Thanks to VeriTEra (so… I guess that I am not updating fast enough? I will try harder, really. Oh, and my story is really cool), Nosilla (You are welcome! Not sure for what, but yeah. Gina is a loud mouth. I'm sure she will say something else about her prettiness and love for Mr. Sir), and BrokenAngel1753 (Gina is full of surprises). And that was it. Next week, we will discover something. We are out to discover. _


	18. OMG

**Disclaimer**

**I do not own Holes or anything of that nature.**

_Dear Wonderful Brother,_

_I'm glad that you are glad that I take joy in your misfortune. Really, **I** am. Your excitement, brother, transcends paper. You are welcome very much. You are lucky to have such a beautiful, talented, considerate, and absolutely perfect in all ways sister such as I. Oh, and by the way, I read your diary and sent some of the nice little excerpts to the lovely Tiffany you talk so much about, so YOU CAN BITE ME! HAHAHA!_

_Yours,_

_Mary._

_Dear Adrienne, _

_You will still be a hand model. I do need you to support your father and I when we are not the young people that we are. But, as I am still twenty-nine, we don't need to worry, huh? I can hear you laughing from here, so let's just keep with the lie that I am young and not pushing fifty. Your father, man, he is in bad shape so you do not need to worry about him being your knight in shining armor. He fell and hurt his back. He's been watching soap operas since Wednesday. Hmm… boys are trouble. Trouble indeed. I am sad to hear about Cecil. I liked him very much. Juliana is fighting with you too? Darling, you are losing everybody! Never fear, I will never desert you. Well, I don't think so anyway. Count those blisters, and send the count to me stat. I am hoping that we have a world record on our hands. And no, you did not get your Yale envelopes. Sorry, beloved. I should go. Your father is calling for a pillow fluff._

_Love,_

_Mom. _

_Alice, darling,_

_I am so glad that you are not writing a business letter anymore. I hate that you are still at that camp. Mom and Dad miss you like a fat kid misses cake. Okay, that was a pretty clichéd metaphor, but I am really hungry right now. I am not sure how much, really, because I totally don't care. Did you see my 'Alice, darling' thing? I was immensely amused by that. I keep using immense lately. There isn't a lake at Camp Green Lake? That is totally false advertising. Oh, Tyrone is convinced that he is going to find the camp and save you. Our brother is stupid, in short. God, how did such beautiful, wonderful women such as ourselves have such a stupid brother. Anyway, I miss you lots. Write back as soon as possible! Also, that hot guy from our English class was asking about you! I saw him at Safeway. I think I might act like I am you and then make out with him. I am your twin and all. He is too hot for words. Anyway, write back! I command it!_

_Love, your gorgeous sister who looks exactly like you, _

_Ali._

_Trix,_

_Well, thank you for missing me. I'm sorry that you are getting a little crazy about it though. Nacho misses you as much as a dog can. She is always sitting by the door now, which is kind of uncomfortable for me because, you know, there are times when I need to leave. I got a promotion. I'm hoping that I can make enough to help us move out of this god forsaken trailer. I know that it has been hard since your mom left and all, but I am hoping that better times are ahead. It's hard without you here, you know. I don't even know what to do with myself. I call that spy place everyday to see when you are coming home. I want you to come home. So does the dog. She and I are really bonding. She bit my ankle the other day, but I know it was just out of love. I fucking miss you, Trixie. _

_Dad._

_Comrade Tap,_

_The bagel is burning in the toaster in the oven. _

_Hard boiling,_

_Mom._

_My darling Giorgio,_

_I am really sad without you! I am going to go and save you! I will! When you get this, I will be there! I swear to God! See you then, loves!_

_Glenn._

_p.s. Of course you are. I don't remember what you are. Should probably keep a copy of my letters._

_Dear Giorgio,_

_I cannot sleep so I am writing you a letter. I remember now why you hated going on safari. It sucks. A lot. Yeah, I kind of wish that we hadn't gone now. You see, your father and I have been… well… at odds. Not with each other, of course, but with all the animals we come across. We were almost attacked by lions yesterday. We just were in the little safari jeep and there they were, looking at us like meat. It was scary as hell. Your father needed a new pair of pants after that. He'll kill me for telling you that, but it is the point of the matter. Glenn keeps sending us letters talking about you. I like him a lot. You better adopt a kid though. I still want to be a grandmother someway. I have been thinking a lot about everything. Mostly because I haven't been sleeping. I woke up the other day and a huge, I mean huge, spider was on my face! ON MY FACE! I hate Africa. I sincerely do._

_Love,_

_Mom._

_Dear Juliana,_

_You are going to apologize to Adrienne this minute! Do you understand me? She is your best friend besides Alice and you are going to apologize! I will not read another letter until you do. Well, I guess I will just to see if you have apologized and everything is okay, but if not, I won't continue reading the letter! So there! _

_Love,_

_Mom._

_Dear Gina,_

_Who are you and what do you want? I have no idea what you are talking about and you have the wrong address._

_Sincerely,_

_Ronald Roy._

* * *

"I think that I really hate this place," Adrienne said as she stared up at the blazing blue sky. 

"Yeah," Alice and Juliana responded.

"Why do you think that Greg would fight with Armpit over me? I mean, we are friends, aren't we?" Trixie asked to no one in particular.

"Yeah," Alice and Juliana responded.

"I want some real food! Taco Bell! I need a freaking bean burrito!" Adrienne yelped emotionally.

"Yeah," Alice and Juliana responded.

"My dad is going to try to buy a house. I think I might take care of him instead of go to college. Maybe go to beauty school. My mom went. Who knows where she is now," Trixie again said to no one in particular.

"My back is hot," Juliana sat up.

The four had been lying in one of the larger holes after digging. They were mostly avoiding everyone they could. Alice hated X-Ray, Adrienne couldn't get rid of Squid, Juliana was afraid of Magnet, and Trixie was confused about Greg. All around, things were weird.

Giorgio's face appeared over the edge of the hole, "What are you all doing?"

"Avoiding people," they all answered.

"Oh. Well, someone new came today. Actually, a couple new people came today. Apparently there was a mishap in Q Tent," Giorgio smiled.

"New?" Alice leaned up.

"Are they hot?" Trixie asked as she leaned up as well.

"I don't know. I haven't seen them yet. Want to search them out with me?" Giorgio queried.

"Yeah," all the girls answered together as they crawled out of the hole.

The group walked to the wreck room talking very loudly. They laughed and told really stupid jokes for no reason at all. For some reason, they were all in an amazingly good mood. Although they were dirty, smelly and hated where they were, they were happy. As they walked past the wreck room, Alice felt a touch at her shoulder. She turned around, unnoticed by her chortling friends.

Her mouth gaped at the tall, handsome black boy that stood smiling behind her, "Tyrone?"

"Tyrone? Isn't that the name of your hot broth…" Giorgio started as he turned around to face not only Alice's brother, Tyrone, but his short, black haired boyfriend, Glenn. His mouth dropped, and he had no words.

"OH MY GOD! TYRONE! GLENN! HOW IN THE HELL?" Adrienne yelped as she hugged the two.

"This is so EXCITING!" Juliana screamed as she hugged the two also.

"Hey, you haven't even gotten to the exciting part," a female voice said.

The group turned to see a familiar flash of bright red hair. Adrienne squealed again and lept onto the girl, nearly knocking her over.

"Ada! I can't believe this!" Adrienne giddily yelled.

"I know, I'm amazing!" the girl said. "I got us here, so."

"How did you do it?" Alice asked, still hugging her brother.

"I'll tell you later. Anyway, my name is not Ada, so don't call me it. I am Mallory now," Ada said.

"And I am Jimmy," Glenn said with a broad smile.

"I'm Tai. I can't really remember anything else," Tyrone shrugged.

"I am fucking surprised and fucking all around joyous and shit! FUCK, I AM EXCITED!" Trixie clapped.

Just then, Caveman came out of the wreck room looking scared. Ada instantly raised an eyebrow in interest when she saw him.

"Hello, I'm the new girl, Mallory," she said as she walked forward with her hand out.

"Uh… hi," Caveman said nervously, shaking her hand. "Have any of you heard anything about Zero?"

"No, we haven't. I have tried to discuss with Miss Gene about a search party, but she is not having it," Alice sighed.

"I am just worried about him."

"Me too."

"Is there food in there? I am ravenous!" Glenn yelped.

Giorgio shook out of his shock and smiled wider than he ever had, "Let me show you to the cafeteria, sir."

Caveman watched Giorgio, Glenn, Adrienne, Tyrone, and Trixie leave all smiles confusedly.

"Wow, they took to each other quick," Caveman marveled.

"I'm taking to you," Ada responded.

"Shut up," Alice stepped on her foot.

"I'm going to take a shower," Juliana rolled her eyes and went toward the showers.

Alice decided to show Ada around the camp, leaving Caveman to stew over what to do about his missing friend.

* * *

Juliana dried her hair with a towel as she came out of the showers. She ran into someone, and mumbled, "Sorry," but kept walking. 

"Juliana, wait," the hand of the person she ran into grasped her arm.

She looked up to see Magnet, "Oh… hi, Magnet. How are you?"

"We need to talk."

"Yeah… about that… I don't think so. I'll see you later."

"Juliana, please."

"I have nothing to say. I am not going to marry you."

"Maybe I was a little overzealous…"

"WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THESE WORDS? Oh my God!"

"Hey, Jules, I have something I totally need to discuss with you," Tyrone ran up and grabbed her other arm, noticing Magnet. "Oh, hey, you're Magnet, right?"

"Yeah," Magnet said, jealousy all over his face.

"Wanted to meet you. I met X-Ray earlier but not you, so I wanted to meet you. Anyway, sorry to steal Jules from you, but I have to discuss some things with her. Secret things you know," Tyrone nodded, not knowing what he was getting into.

"Right, you do that then. I will talk to you later, Juliana?" Magnet didn't look at her, just glared at Tyrone.

"I'll make sure she does. Rain check, okay? Come, Jules, I have a serious discussion I need to put past you," Tyrone dragged her away, leaving Magnet to stew over a way to kill him.

* * *

_Okay, I am really sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I just had crazy writer's block and, really, the last month was crazy as hell. I was really busy and a little depressed so… I am making excuses for my bad updation. Sorry! Thank you to Napknackered (wow, thanks! I know that it would be scary if any of my friends had a gun. People would be shot and things would get messy. I am going to learn to update sooner! Really!), GE (Greg is just… I don't know… I like him because he is a little bit insane. If you were in a coma for a month, it might seem like I updated in a timely fashion, but then you would have to be in a coma and that would suck. Eh. Don't mind me, a little crazy right now) and LeMoNsOuR (I guess I just tap into your life. Maybe I am stalking you. You never know. Okay, so Cecil is Adrienne's boyfriend from home. He wants to go to Harvard, while Adrienne wants to go to Yale, so Adrienne was upset about it. Alice is into going to college in general, which is why she is doing the whole spy thing to get a college recommendation letter. She is not going to give up because she wants that letter. So… yeah.) Yay for updating! _


	19. We suck

**Disclaimer**

**I own not Holes**

"So, Tyrone, what did you need to 'put past me' then?" Juliana asked, staring down at her feet slightly.

"I had a discussion with that X-Ray kid today, and I was wondering what you thought of him." Tyrone said, biting his lip.

"Why do you care what I think of him? Did he say something about me that I should know?"

"Oh, no, of course not, it's just... he... how to say this... I am pretty sure, fairly sure, that he is in love with Alice."

"Well, duh. Everyone knows that!"

"But what do you think of him?"

"I don't know. He's nice, I guess."

Tyrone only nodded, getting silent for a moment. Juliana ran her hand through her hair, thanking God that Tyrone saved her from the awkwardness of Magnet.

"Who was that guy you were with, Jules?" Tyrone punched Juliana a little, suddenly remembering the situation he had found her in. "Not a boy looking for your affections, I hope?"

"Shut up, Tai."

"I want to know who he is! I have known you since you were just a wee one, so tell me!"

"A wee one?"

"Yes, a wee one."

"What, am I an elf or something?"

"You were a youngin then."

"A youngin?"

"Who is he?"

"Who is who? Are we talking about someone?" Adrienne asked as she walked up with Tap and a bag of cheetos.

"Oh, just Magnet. Tai was wondering who he was," Juliana answered.

"Didn't he confess his love to you or something?" Adrienne asked, eating the cheetos.

"No... no..."

"Yes he did! Zig and I talked about it!" Tap broke in.

"You and Zig talk?" Adrienne turned to Tap.

"Well... no, we mostly make out, but we heard Magnet reciting the speech to himself."

"That's interesting."

"So the boy loves you, huh? I should talk to him to see if I approve!" Tyrone yelped.

And with that, Tyrone was gone. Juliana sighed a large sigh and walked back to her tent with Adrienne and Tap. When they got there, Glenn and Alice were doing the tango and having a grand old time. The rest of the night, the whole group, and Glenn and Ada, were partying. Of course, they had to party quietly so it really wasn't much of a party, but they partied just the same. The next morning, Tyrone burst into the tent with a wide smile.

"Something exciting will happen today!" he yelped and was off.

"That boy is much too chipper," Greg said into his pillow.

"Tell me about it," Alice responded as she got up.

Tyrone had already started digging his hole by the time the group got out to what Greg now called the mine field.

Greg himself had not quite recovered from his encounter with Armpit. Everyone was always sniggering at him as he past, and a couple boys from H Tent put corn in his hair. Trixie no longer talked to him. She wrote him profane little notes when he tried to talk to her, but there was nothing more. His eye was still black and bruised. He thought many times to himself that action movies lied to him. The tiny, perfect cut that the good guy got from fighting in real life was not tiny, not perfect, not aesthetic and generally still very painful after the fight was over. Who knew that getting in a fight had such repercussions? Not Greg, but of course, Greg figured he didn't know much about life. He was in love with a girl who seemed to be quite taken with a fat, black boy who smelled bad. Whatever, he thought, as he always had, maybe it was better that way.

"So, Ada, how is it going with your first hole?" Giorgio asked Ada as they waited in line for water.

"Me tired. Need sleep," Ada responded as she leaned against her sister's back.

"Hey! No touching!" Adrienne smacked her sister. "Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"Eh... tired..."

"What is Caveman doing? He looks suspicious," Tap whispered to Greg.

"Why are you whispering?" Greg responded.

"I don't want him to know that I'm talking about him. Lay low, Rosie, lay low."

"You're insane, aren't you?"

"We are out to discover!" Tap screamed, running toward her hole.

Alice stared after the fading image of Tap, "What's her problem?"

"I don't know," Glenn answered, sipping his water.

"Hey, did you cut in front of me?" Trixie asked, realizing that she didn't have water yet.

"No, I cut in front of Caveman. It's different."

"Oh. Okay."

"SLEEP!" Ada grumbled.

The group laughed as they waited patiently for their water. Glenn leaned against the water truck, gurgling his water as if it were mouth wash. Suddenly, the truck started to move. Glenn nearly choked on his water as he jumped at the sudden movement.

"The fuck?" Trixie said out loud, not noticing all the boys around her that she should be acting dumb for.

"Is Caveman in there?" Juliana asked, staring at the familiar looking person in the driver's seat speeding off with Mr. Sir behind him.

"He did it! Yes!" Tyrone jumped up and down at his hole.

"Go Caveman! Go!" X-Ray yelped from his hole.

"Where is he going to go? He'll die out there!" Alice said, awestruck.

The camp all did a cumulative cringe as the truck drove right into a hole. Caveman got out and ran the rest of the way as the camp cheered him on. When Mr. Sir had come back, he was so breathless and angry that he could not even yell for the campers to go back to their tents. It was the ever-loving Gina, who had appeared when she noticed her beloved Mr. Sir chasing after his beloved truck, who gave the order. She winked at her interns as she led Mr. Sir off to her cabin.

"Bow chicky bow wow, if you know what I mean," Glenn said cheekily as the group walked back to the wreck room.

Giorgio nearly spit out the water he stole from Glenn laughing. Alice only fumed.

"Two of them have escaped! This is not right!" she frowned.

"I want to go home. I don't care if they die. I just want to go home," Greg frowned even deeper, his black eye hurting more than ever.

They all walked into the wreck room and crumbled onto the couch, having side conversations. X-Ray walked up with Tyrone, Magnet, Armpit, Squid and Zig-Zag at his heels.

"Guys, we are escaping. A week from now, we will be free!" X-Ray whispered to the interns.

"What?" they all responded.

"It was Tyrone's idea!"

"Don't worry, we are making all the plans," Squid smiled wide, mostly at Adrienne, who smiled back.

With that, they were off, all except Magnet, who mouthed, "We'll talk" to Juliana.

Greg frowned, "Tyrone has rubbed off on them."

"How is it that we have been here for like a million weeks, and he is here for a day and they want to escape! Are we incompetent?" Giorgio turned to the others.

"Fuck if I know," Trixie responded as she laid back against the couch.

"Dear lord, we suck!" Alice had an epiphany.

"Yeah," they all agreed, though they all were just happy that soon they would go home.

* * *

_HAHA! I AM UPDATING IN A TIMELY MANNER, SO BITE ME! HAHA! Okay, only like one person has reviewed my last chapter, so that person, Justine, is being thanked with big letters! THANK YOU! I am glad that you love my story. If it could love, it would love you too, I'm sure! Anyway, tune in till next time. It will be exciting._


	20. Revelations

**Disclaimer**

**I hella don't own Holes. Heh, hella.**

Gina held her head in her hands, trying to figure out what to do with herself. Mr. Sir had run out on her again after she bled her obsessive heart all over him, which, in Gina's world, was telling him that she was completely and utterly in love with him and had already started planning their wedding. She just could not figure out why he had run off. She thought that she had been subtle in her future plans for the two. She did not say a word about the house she had made an offer on with its nursery or the baby stuff she had bought on Ebay or the names she had picked for their future children. That would have chased the man away! Gina just could not figure out how to win Mr. Sir.

She had done everything. She made him a cake, though it was slightly less than perfect because she did not add any sugar. She had painted a picture of him with some beautiful red paint, though the paint was so dark it almost looked like blood and the long, foreboding drip marks did not help either. She gave him candy, she wrote him poems, she sent him roses, but he would not accept her! She had done everything! What else is there to do?

She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror she had also bought on Ebay. She could not lie to Mr. Sir anymore. He had to know the truth. She was no Ms. Gene. Her hair was not a wig. She did not even like children, but she had made him believe those things. It was her infidelity to truth that chased Mr. Sir away, not her scary ways of trying to win him. She had to make a confession, but only after she had dealt with those pesky interns. Her job was already guaranteed lost. Her boss kept sending her letters that said that he did not know who she was. That was saddening, a little. She had dated the man. How could he not remember her? She hurt him too badly, she assumed; broke his heart into too tiny of pieces. Of course, she did not care. She had no loyalty to the man anymore- only loyalty to the lovely Mr. Sir.

That was when it came to her as she stared into the mirror. She had to thwart the plan of her interns! She could no longer allow the place where she had fallen in love with Mr. Sir be torn down. Where would he could he go? He would never feel the same about Gina if he knew that _she_ was the one who closed the camp! Gina could not even think of what might happen if he found out about the plan. She would surely die if Mr. Sir hated her! She would kill herself! Or at least, she would kill that foul intern…. That one was more annoying than the rest.

That was it! Kill the interns! If they were all dead, then maybe Mr. Sir would see her commitment to him! Killing them to save the camp! It was brilliant! But how? How to get rid of them? They had persisted in dying of heat stroke or being killed in some fight, though that gay boy did almost become a homicide statistic. They had to be doing something that would jeopardize the camp… but what?

Gina looked around the room for some kind of indication of what she should do next. She just could not think of anything. Hey, a newspaper. When did she get a newspaper? Newspapers are boring. She looked closer at the headline. "Suicide bombing." Suicide bombing. What was that? A BOMB! That was it! Make them build a bomb, then shoot them when she 'found' it! Or she could just have the bomb explode them into tiny little pieces… that might work. Yes! She would build a bomb! Or the interns would! And then she would have Mr. Sir and her son, Rodrigo Star. Yes. It was a plan.

* * *

"So, like, um… Squid," Adrienne said out of nowhere as she, Juliana and Alice laid on their cots staring at the ceiling of the tent.

"Eh?" Juliana asked.

"Um… I… Squid is… um…. Cecil… and uh… Squid…."

"I want some calamari," Alice grumbled.

"Cecil is going to Harvard. He found an apartment already," Adrienne whimpered. "My Cecil."

"What is so bad about him going to Harvard? I mean, you could get into Harvard. Why don't you just go there with him?" Juliana asked, feeling very smart at that moment.

Adrienne shot up, "Jules! I cannot go to Harvard! Are you crazy? I am a Yale girl all the way! I have wanted Yale since I was one! I could not even walk, and I knew I wanted to go to Yale! Cecil is going to Harvard! It is against all of my sensibilities! All of his sensibilities! I cannot be with someone who goes to _Harvard!_ Princeton maybe, Brown definitely not, but never Harvard! NEVER!"

"Weren't we talking about Squid?" Alice asked, recalling her want for calamari.

"Yes," Adrienne sank down again, sounding sad once more. "I do not know what to do. Squid made me an ultimatum this morning. He found out about Cecil. Was not happy about it either. I just… I cannot be with Cecil if he is going to Harvard, but I would be out of my mind if I went with Squid. It was okay in the beginning, but… I cannot be with a juvenile delinquent!"

"Or a Brown student," Juliana yawned.

"Definitely not! I do not know what to do!"

"I don't know."

The girls were silent for a long time and stared at the top of their tent like something new might happen. Adrienne was confused about Cecil and Squid, Juliana was scared of Magnet, and Alice was hungry for calamari. And none of them could be appeased easily.

Magnet burst into the tent just then, but this time none of the girls jumped in surprise. They had somewhat gotten used to it.

"Hello, Magnet," Alice and Adrienne said together in monotone.

"I need to speak with Juliana," he said decisively.

"Well, go on and speak then," Adrienne said, turning over.

Before Magnet could speak though, X-Ray burst in. Again, the girls paid no notice.

"Hello, X-Ray," Adrienne and Juliana said in monotone.

"Captain, I have something to say to you!" X-Ray said, very loudly.

"Well, go on and say it then," Adrienne rolled to the other side, "but after Magnet, because he came in first."

But before Magnet could say something, and thus before X-Ray could say anything, Squid burst in. Again, no kind of reaction from the girls whatsoever.

"Hello, Squid," Juliana and Alice were monotone.

"Adrienne, I…" Squid started.

"Before you start, you have to wait for Magnet to speak with Juliana, X-Ray to say what he has to say to Captain and uh… oh that's it. Then you can talk," Adrienne said. "Okay, go."

"Juliana, you have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, love, love you," Magnet said lovesickly.

X-Ray swallowed hard, "Captain, I have come to the revelation that I like you very much and um… well, I actually love you and uh… I don't know what revelation means, but that is what Tai told me to say and um… yeah… it was supposed to sound better than that. Um… whatever Magnet said, that's what I meant. He stole it from me."

"Ade, I'm going to kill Cecil," Squid said decisively.

"Oh, Squid, don't do that! Then he cannot go to Harvard!" Adrienne said, laying her face on her cot.

"Okay, Magnet, I get it. You love me. Stop being creepy about it," Juliana frowned. "That was cute though, yet vaguely familiar."

"What?" Alice's mouth was agape, and she looked horrified.

Just then, Trixie burst in, drawing a response from the girls.

"Holy crap, Trixie! What the heck are you…" Adrienne started.

"I think I love Greg. It's weird and it's really weird- it's weird! I mean, I don't love my cat. Do I have a cat? Or do I have a dog….? What ever I have, I don't love it! How can I love Greg? And not Armpit! This is weird!" Trixie proclaimed in deep thought. Then she noticed the guys. "Hey guys, how's it going?"

They all shrugged. Alice stood up, looking mortified.

"I have to go!" she yelped, heading fast toward the door.

"Wait, Captain!" X-Ray yelped after her.

As the two ran out, there came a string of cursing from the outside and Alice and X-Ray came back in.

"Hide!" Alice whispered.

But it was too late. Gina burst in as well.

"I wish for you to build a bomb, understand?" Gina said very loudly, then noticed the guys. "Shouldn't you all be in your tent? Go away! I said GO!"

With that, the boys left, and Gina stood, happy with herself.

"I have plans and everything. Here they are. Build the bomb. The end."

Gina rushed out of the tent, planning her life with Mr. Sir. Adrienne, Juliana, and Alice just looked at each other.

"What the fuck?" Trixie cocked her head to the side like a confused dog or John Travolta in Face/Off.

"What the fuck indeed," Juliana said as Alice plopped down on her cot.

* * *

_All right. So… I haven't posted in a while. Believe me, I have been majorly busy. My school just opened its musical, and I was assistant stage manager and also calling the show, so I had no time! It sucked! But now it's over so I have no excuse. Yeah… so… thanks… um… okay, thank you to loudmouth1014 (heh, complete sentences suck. Epiphany. Sudden realization. Cool word. Will try to update. Probably won't), Nosilla (I like having someone say "Dear lord" in that context. It makes me laugh… heh, I laugh at my own jokes… heh), demon-pup666 (Awesome! Virtual Cookie! Yay! Wait… I didn't update in a timely manner. Oh well! Promises of gifts are awesome!), loudgirlkate (Woot! Love is good! Well, Trixie is nuts and Greg is a tad pathetic so I think that is why they aren't speaking. They may still hook up though. There should be a vote! Who should Trixie be with? Greg or Armpit? Interesting proposition!), and Fangirl (Methinks you art correct.) Anyway, so, I don't know how to end this thing. Give me some possibilities and maybe I'll use it. You never know. A writer always needs feedback. I will try to update, but don't bank on it. I am a tad bit lazy and hit writer's blocks… okay, I'm done. _


	21. Is This Love That I'm Feeling?

**Disclaimer**

**I wicked don't own Holes.**

"So, she wants us to build a bomb?" Greg asked plainly as he lied on his cot with his eyes closed.

"Yeah," Alice, Juliana and Adrienne said together.

Giorgio picked at a blister on his hand, "Gina is stupid. Hey, anyone have some Neosporin?"

"I think my brother usually has some. Where is he, by the way?" Alice asked, not entirely caring.

"Glenn was talking about how he saw some lawyer here today so… I don't know. Something about that," Ada frowned as she braided Adrienne's hair.

"Hmm…"

"We can't build a bomb. There is a lot involved in building a bomb. We don't have the proper resources," Tap said as she packed some pajamas in her bag. "I mean, I can't even get suitable surveillance devices here, let alone the necessary materials for a bomb."

"We are not going to build a bomb. Let's just act like we made one and give it to Gina. Tap, can you make a fake?" Alice asked.

"No. I am busy these days! I can't make a fake bomb for you!" Tap zipped up her bag angrily and slung it over her shoulder. "I'm off. I have a date with Zig tonight."

With that, Tap left humming. Only Trixie watched her go, but that was only because she was hoping everyone else would leave so that she could talk to Greg.

"I guess we should make the fake bomb then," Juliana shrugged.

"Yeah," Alice frowned.

She stood up and walked out of the tent, with everyone except for Greg and Trixie behind her. Greg frowned, wondering why everyone left. He shrugged and decided not to follow. Trixie ran her hands through her hair nervously. She was never nervous! This was weird!

"So, Greg, how are you?" Trixie asked Greg.

He shrugged again, "Eh."

"How is your eye?"

"Still hurts."

"I told Armpit to apologize to you."

"He didn't."

"I guess I should talk to him again, huh?"

"Eh."

Trixie frowned. This wasn't fucking working the fuck out.

"So, we are going home soon. How do you feel about that, Greg?"

"Eh."

"What are you going to do when you get home?"

"I don't know. I didn't really plan it."

"Aren't you going to college or anything?"

He laughed, "I already got into college. I'm going to a school in New York for journalism. I already told you that."

"Right, you did."

He leaned up and looked at her, "What's wrong with you? You haven't cussed once for a couple days. It's kind of weird."

"I've been confused the last couple days."

"About Armpit?"

"No. About you… know, my dad and such."

"And such?"

"Yeah, and such! God, you are being difficult!"

"How am I being…?"

"Shut up, Greg! I was just trying to reach out to you, and you have to make a big deal out of it! God! I'm going to go build that bomb!"

With that, Trixie stomped out of the room. Greg watched her go, confused about what had just happened, but then lied back down, not wanting to think about it anymore.

Tap and Zig-Zag sat inside one of the shower stalls under the moonlight, staring out at the landscape and saying nothing. Tap ran her fingers through his hair slightly, but then gave up when her hand got stuck in it. He did not seem to mind. He somewhat liked the sensation when she pulled her hand out of his hair.

"Do you think that Zero and Caveman will ever come back?" Tap asked as she stared out over the bare landscape.

Zig-Zag grasped her hand with a harsh laugh, "I hope not! That piece of shit Zero tackled me! Do you remember that? He tackled me! Who tackles people these days?"

"Well, spies sometimes tackle people. There's also bird watchers when they see a bird to watch and uh… hmm… chefs when people don't like their food. And, of course, there is football players. They make a living out of tackling people," Tap gave a small smile as she leaned her head on Zig-Zag's shoulder. "A little bit violent."

"Football is just a huge conspiracy by the government to dumb down all of the up and coming young men of the world so that they don't achieve world peace. If there is a football player who is too smart, one of the operatives takes him down so that he gets a concussion and is not smart anymore."

"I KNOW! Sweet fancy Moses, I told everyone back at home about that, and they told me they would stop the conspiracy, but then they only made fun of me!"

"They are obviously involved in the conspiracy."

"I presumed that. I set up cameras in their offices, and I bugged their phone lines, but I have yet to find anything. Of course, my whole investigation has been severely jeopardized because I came here."

"Yeah, but if you had not come here, we wouldn't have met. My life would be much less livable if you weren't around."

Tap smiled wide and kissed him on the cheek, "Mine also. Mine also."

They sat there in silence again, smiling and holding hands. Then a figure came out of the darkness and walked to the wreck room. Tap narrowed her eyes, watching the figure.

"Is that Gina?" she asked.

"Ms. Gene?" Zig-Zag narrowed his eyes as well.

"Yeah."

"Man, she is nuts."

"I know. Is that her?"

"I think so. I can tell by the shine reflecting off of that wig she wears. That wig is made of human hair, you know. It came from a scalping. She bought it from some Navajos."

"I thought that she bought it from Africa. The Mbuti, I think, sold it to her because they were highly against the whole scalping thing. They are a highly peaceful race."

"What is she doing?"

"She's probably putting the fake bomb she tried to make us make in the wreck room. I think she is trying to stop the whole mission so that she can make sweet love to Mr. Sir."

"Mr. Sir hates her."

"Everyone hates her."

"True."

They both watched Gina go back to her cabin singing. They did not speak again until they saw another figure go towards the Library.

"Who is that?" Tap asked.

"I think it's Zero," Zig-Zag responded.

"What is he doing?"

"I don't know. I think we should run away together."

"Run away together? Like, actually _run_?"

"God no. I hate running."

"Me too."

"So, what about it?"

Tap shrugged, "Okay."

"Okay."

"Want to sneak into Mr. Sir's cabin and give him a love note from Gina?"

"Yeah."

The two got up and walked to Mr. Sir's cabin holding hands and discussing how Martha Stewart was actually an alien from Pluto set to destroy the self esteem of American women.

_Hmm… I don't have much to say. I am having a fabulous week. Yes. Thank you to SeperatedCow (young love is beautiful. I guess. I don't know. No one loves me. Uh… thanks. You don't have to get the facts straight. I don't. Rambling is good. Never stop rambling. Fight comprehensive thought! It's a revolution!), chillybilly6 (it is from Pride and Prejudice. I steal everything from Pride and Prejudice. I hated stage managing as well. Especially because I a) am hateful in nature and b) hated the show. So, yeah. Sucked. Heh, thanks for the love), demon-pup666 (Okay!), Maddiecake (Wow, that was a lot to respond to. Um… I hate John Travolta. Call him RAvolta actually. Hate him much. Thanks for all the reviews! They made me smile), GE (Good advice, good advice. I'll try my best with the ending. I don't want to disappoint anyone), and loudmouth1014 (Hmm… that is true. I don't know what I am going to do about that situation. I will figure it all out. And, I did a whole little segment on Tap just for you. So go ahead and feel special about it!). Anyway, next chapter will most likely be the last. Are you all ready? ARE YOU READY? You better be because I cannot think of a sequel so… yeah._


	22. And Then It Ended

**Disclaimer**

**I do not own Holes.**

The whole camp sat outside of the Library waiting for Mr. Sir or Mr. Pendanski or even the Warden, but only Ms. Gene showed up. She, of course, did not hand out shovels as that she did not want to "mess up the procedure" of giving out shovels. The interns sat near the showers slumped over and holding their noses. Someone had set off a stink bomb in the wreck room the night before, and it smelled horrible. The interns wanted to both stay away from the smell, and from the irate Ms. Gene, who somehow had not found them though she had asked almost everyone in the camp where they were.

"Maybe it was not best to give Gina a stink bomb?" Juliana asked slightly.

Each of the interns nodded and sighed.

"We are going home soon," Giorgio smiled, looking to Glenn, who lied on the ground.

Each of the interns nodded and sighed.

"I broke up with Armpit," Trixie gave a big sigh, then scrunched up her face with disgust after getting a big breath of the stagnant stink bomb air.

Each of the interns nodded and sighed.

"Wait, you did what?" Greg turned to Trixie, just realizing what she had said.

Each of the interns nodded and sighed.

"Stop that! I didn't say anything to nod to!" Greg yelped.

"Sorry, it started to become a habit. It felt wrong not doing it," Adrienne gave an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, I broke up with Armpit. We wanted different things in the relationship," Trixie nodded matter-of-fact-ly.

"You wanted different things?" Alice raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! He liked to talk all meaningful like all the time. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he really was a sweetheart. But still! Why would I want to fucking talk all the time? I like to make out and shit! I am just not the type of girl that wants to talk about fucking _life_ and _relationships_," Trixie cringed.

"Life? And relationships?"

"Yeah! Who mother fucking does that? A pussy?"

"You know, Trix, you were in a _relationship_ with Armpit. Maybe he thought that was what you did," Juliana suggested.

"Shut up, Juliana," Trixie spat.

"Zig and I talk. But we also make out. So, I guess I have a happy medium, huh?" Tap smiled.

"Shut up, Tap," Trixie spat once more.

"THERE YOU ARE! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!" Gina yelped from behind a crowd of people.

"Scatter!" the interns all shouted and scrambled into different directions.

* * *

Juliana hid behind the showers and ran her hand through her hair. Wow, that was close. 

"Juliana?" a familiar male voice ventured.

She turned with a sigh, "I didn't do it." She froze when she saw it was Magnet who had spoken to her. "Oh, hi Magnet."

"Look, I'm sorry that I was acting creepy, as you said it. But I do really like you. And I am sorry."

"For liking me? You don't have to be sorry for that. It is actually quite flattering."

"No, for…"

"You don't have to explain. Magnet, I like you too."

"You do?" He smiled.

"Yes, but…"

"But?"

"But I do not think it would work. I uh… I am a different person than you think I am."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I uh… well, I can't exactly _tell _you that, but let's just say that I may or may not have done anything to get here."

"Why would you be here if you did not do anything?"

"Because, you know, um… it's hard to explain."

"Implore me."

"Where do you get these words? I really did not think you were very smart!"

"Juliana."

"I'm sorry. I can't."

"I do not care if you are a different person! I love you anyway!"

"Okay, I still think that it is weird that you love me. Like me is okay, love me is… yeah, weird."

"I'm sorry. I _like_ you then."

"I could have never guessed."

* * *

Greg and Trixie hid inside a hole that was not riddled with lizards and sighed collectively. Wow, that was close. 

"GregIhavesomethingtoconfesstoyou," Trixie started, speaking fast and barely able to understand.

Greg sat that for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just been said, and then shook his head, "What?"

"Iloveyou."

"I still can't understand you."

"WHATDOYOUMEANYOUCAN'TFUCKINGUNDERSTANDMEI'MFUCKINGBLEEDINGMYHEARTOUTHERE!"

"Dude, Trixie, slow it down a bit. Enunciate."

Trixie's eye twitched uncontrollably, her anger rising inside of her. She balled her fists, took one hard look at Greg, and kissed him without another incomprehensible word.

* * *

Adrienne picked her fingernails in the wreck room, plainly minding her own business and thinking about what she was going to do without Cecil. She glanced at the door at times to make sure Gina wasn't coming. Wow, that was close. 

"What am I going to do?" Adrienne said out loud, contemplating her options.

"Hey, Brazen?" Squid's voice rang out through the quiet room.

"Hey, what?" she answered, wondering where everyone else had gone.

"You are uh…. We aren't going to keep in touch, are we?" he asked, coming to sit next to her.

"No, I do not think so."

"Because of your boyfriend?"

"Not entirely. Squid, I need to move on with my life. This was only a stepping stone. I have goals, ambitions, and they don't really include you."

"You said you were bad in school. You spent too much time sleeping around to really focus. What else do you want to do?"

"Something else. Just… just something else."

"If you want someone better, I can change! I really can!"

She sighed, staring off into the fiery distance out the door, "Maybe you can, but I am not going to. I will leave her unscathed. Well, relatively. Everything I planned before I got here is still intact, with one minor detail. You don't fit in, Squid. You can't come with me. You and I are different people."

"You said you didn't have no plans! You said you just wanted to live your life from one party to the next! I can change my life! You can change yours! We can live on the straight and narrow! You won't sleep around, and I won't be me!"

"Squid, there is something I have to tell you…."

* * *

Glenn, Giorgio, Ada and Tyrone sat in the library eating chocolates and generally having a great time. They almost thought that they did not have any chocolates, much to Glenn's dismay, but a whole horde of it was found under Armpit's bed. Armpit almost woke up while they took it, but thankfully, he didn't. Wow, that was close. 

"So, Tyrone, when are we getting out of this place? You made the plan," Giorgio asked as he unwrapped a chocolate.

"As soon as Caveman and Zero come back. There will be such a hubbub that we can fly right out of here. I have that weird new kid ready to hotwire a bus."

"That one who twitches?" Glenn asked.

"Yeah," Tyrone answered, staring at a chocolate he had just bit into. "Is this coconut?"

Ada grabbed the chocolate and stuffed it in her mouth, "Yeah, it's coconut."

"Hey! I was going to eat that!"

"Too bad. It was delicious. Deliciously disgusting!"

The group laughed and went back to their chocolates contently.

* * *

Alice hid behind a tent, basking in the little shade it left her with. She took a deep sigh and looked up at the sky. Maybe the sun would blind her temporarily, and she could go home. There was that time when Tyrone had thrown a pencil at her eye, and she couldn't see. Wow, that was a close one. If he had made her blind permanently, she wouldn't be at Camp Greenlake, and she would have a sob story to tell colleges. Life is unfair sometimes. 

"Captain!" X-Ray appeared with outstretched arms from the other side of the tent.

"Oh dear god," Alice rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to be with you," X-Ray slammed down to the ground next to her, "is all."

"Seriously, what do you want?"

"That was it."

"You are lying to me! What do you want?"

"Do you think we will keep in touch?"

"No."

"Come on, you know you want to."

"Not really."

"Alice, come on."

She gave him a lazy, yet sympathetic, glare, "Please do not call me Alice, all right? Just… just call me Captain if you have to, but we do not need to be so personal."

"Why don't you like me?"

"I have a lot of reasons, but it is mostly because of how you act. You are a mean individual, and I don't enjoy your company."

"Look, I have never felt this way about a girl before and…"

"So you like guys then?"

"Hey, that was mean," he punched her slightly, and she laughed.

"Sorry, I had to say it."

"I like being with you. I like arguing with you. I mean, I like everything about you, and I don't know why because, you know, you are also not very nice. You are pushy, bossy, and insanely ambitious."

"What is wrong with being ambitious?"

He scratched the back of his head, "It… it makes you think out stuff before you do it, and it is exhausting."

"You are crazy."

"I also think it is cool that you are a spy, and a good one at that! I mean, you almost fooled me! I almost thought that you were just thrown into this for some other reason but…"

She simply stared at him in shock.

"Don't worry! I didn't tell anyone, and no one told me! I pretty much just figured it out. It was not really that well hidden with that crazy Ms. Gene, and I am really not that stupid."

"You figured it out on your own?" her voice bled of skepticism.

"Yeah. I mean, she was always calling people about some mission and interns, and then I figured it out when Zig-Zag was screeching about you all being spies. I guess that means he told me but… I put it together myself, I think."

She slumped back against the tent with a small smile and a shrug.

"Are you mad?" he asked, moving closer to her.

She shook her head, the smile still on her face.

He gave a small smile just because she was smiling and searched through his pockets, pulling out a tattered looking flower and handing it to her, "Found this in one of the holes. I think someone threw it in there. It's for you."

She took it with a wider smile and looked at him, "You know, X-Ray, you really aren't half bad."

"Really?"

"Really."

With that, he kissed her. He expected her to hit him or hurt him horribly, but when she didn't, it was encouraging. When they both pulled away with wide smiles on their faces, he took the flower out of her hand and put it in her hair.

"So, do you think we can keep in touch?" he whispered.

"You know, I have an idea about after we escape this place, if you're in."

"Oh, I'm in."

* * *

Tap scratched her nose and furrowed her brow, staring intently at nothing in particular as she sat with Zig-Zag on the steps of Mr. Sir's office. Both did not speak as they just stared into the distance, not really looking at anything at all, but looking at that nothing at all like it was the most entertaining thing they had ever seen. Then they both focused on something, a Jaguar racing toward a distant, distant, DISTANT hole that the Warden, Mr. Sir and Mom were standing around. They raised their right eyebrows at the same time as they witnessed an argument with a lady getting out of the Jaguar and the camp staff. Then Caveman and Zero got out of the hole, looking angry themselves. The two watched as the Jaguar came back, as well as the camp staff, Caveman and Zero. 

Some stupid moron from Y-Tent screamed at the top of his lungs, "OH MY GOD! CAVEMAN AND ZERO!"

And then a whole ruckus started, though Tap and Zig-Zag did not mind. They simply watched as everything seemed to unravel. The Jaguar lady was Caveman's lawyer! Caveman was innocent! Caveman and Zero found a satchel of something! The Warden wanted it! It had Caveman's name on it! Caveman was going home with the satchel! Caveman would not go without Zero! The lawyer asked for Zero's papers! Zero had no papers! Caveman and Zero were going home! Mr. Sir was arrested because he was violating probation! It started to rain!

"And so on!" Tap smiled at Zig-Zag.

"And so on!" Zig-Zag smiled back.

All of the interns, some of which looked quite flushed and had no idea what was going on coughcause they were making outcough, ran up as Caveman and Zero pulled away. Tyrone gave a wide smile and gave the signal, which was a wink at the twitchy kid, and then smiled back at his friends.

"Ladies and gents, we are getting out of here," he whispered.

"What?" Greg asked, his mouth covered in lip gloss.

"When a bus comes around, it is our cue to…"

Tyrone was interrupted by the sound of helicopters and a SWAT team streaming into the camp. Gina, who was discussing with the police that Mr. Sir was in fact not violating parole, immediately froze.

"Gina Grant?" a professional looking man in a suit walked up to Gina with a horde of people behind him.

"Yes?" Gina narrowed her eyes. "I am a bit busy here, sir, so if we could make this quick?"

"Of course, Ms. Grant. I am just here to thank you for your wonderful intern spies for completing this mission."

All of the campers, who had been paying attention, looked at each other with a confused look. Spies?

"Oh, right. Well, I did train them myself. Hey, all of you, get over here!" Gina called to her interns with a flighty kind of importance in her voice.

They all walked forward, not understanding quite what was going on.

"The Girl Scouts of America thank you," the man said with a nod. "And I would like to inform you that you are all certified spies now. You will get your paper work shortly."

"Wait, Girl Scouts of America?" Gina lost all of her importance and her voice edged on poison.

"Well, yes, that's what this whole mission was for. They needed a camp," the man said.

Gina could not speak for a moment and looked like she was about to kill someone, "Excuse me?"

"The Girl Scouts of…"

"No, I got it, but you are telling me that I had to spend god knows how long with all of these _wretched_ children because of the Girl Scouts of America!"  
"There is no need to scream, Ms. Grant."

"Oh no, there is! The love of my life is going to jail because of this CRAPPY CAMP, and I am not even GOING TO GET A RAISE FOR THIS!"

"Well, no because it was for the Girl Scouts of America and not your spy agency."

Gina raised her hand in the air and yelped, "SET OFF THE BOMB!"

With that, she was tackled by a bunch of SWAT people and was dragged away, but not before Alice spoke to her.

"Hey, Gina, there never was a bomb," Alice gave a large smile.

"I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU! I HATE INTERNS! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE CAMP GREEN LAKE!" Gina screamed as she seemed to drown in a sea of SWAT.

The man looked to Alice with a confused look, but then smiled, "You are the captain of this group, huh?"

Alice smiled, "I guess so."

"Well, you will be the youngest person to be in charge of a spy agency then. You all did a good job on this. Actually, all of you are the first agents to ever finish a mission at that agency."

"That is understandable. Thank you sir."

"Don't mention it. Oh, and if any of you need a ride home, we have helicopters."

With that, the man was gone. The interns all looked at each other and smiled.

"Wait, you are a spy! How could you not tell me?" Squid exploded on Adrienne, who looked at him slowly.

"I was going to but then people started screaming and stuff and… it just didn't get done," Adrienne gave a smile.

"You lied to me!"

"Uh… what?"

"So, you are a spy?" Magnet asked Juliana off handedly.

"Yeah," she answered with a shrug.

"Cool," Magnet shrugged as well. They both smiled at each other and laughed as Squid continued yelling at Adrienne.

Just then, the hotwired bus appeared with the twitchy kid driving with a large smile on his face.

"Well, that's our ride," Alice said as she grasped X-Ray's hand with a large smile.

"Wow, I'm going to be a spy, that is cool," X-Ray smiled back.

"Yeah right, I'm not making you a spy! You and Magnet can be secretaries or something. Or you can get our coffee."

"You know, I think I am going to pass on the offer. I was thinking about maybe being a repo man," Magnet gave a wistful smile.

"Wow, I am going to be with a guy who wants to be a repo man. Cool," Juliana gave him a small smile. "Hey, can we catch a ride with you guys?"

"No, intern. I am much too busy and important to help you," Alice said, sounding a lot like Gina.

Juliana laughed as the whole group started toward the bus except for Adrienne, Tap, and Zig-Zag. Tap and Zig-Zag had actually not moved from their spot during the whole thing, and Adrienne was still being screamed at by Squid. Juliana and Alice looked back, ushered their men on, and then went to her just as Greg raced into the bus with Trixie on his back.

"Are you coming, Ade?" Juliana asked just as Squid started to sulk quietly.

Adrienne gave both of her friends a big smile and shook her head, "No. I am going to get a ride with the SWAT guys. I uh… I am still going to Yale, and, well, I'd rather just get there for now. I really had no interest to be a spy. I just thought it would look good on my resume."

"You are going to Yale? Our relationship was built on lies! That's it, Brazen, we are over!" Squid put his foot down.

"We were already over, Squid. I kind of told you that," Adrienne snapped. "And the name is Adrienne. I wasn't actually a slut, okay?"

"Another lie!"

Juliana, Alice and Adrienne shared a look.

"Is he that stupid?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, yeah he is," Adrienne and Juliana said together.

They all laughed and then looked up at the rain.

"I just noticed it was raining," Juliana said as she ran her fingers through her wet hair.

"How do you not notice it is raining?" Adrienne asked.

"I just thought that would be a cool thing to say. Like in _Four Weddings and a Funeral_?"

"I hated that movie."

"You hated _Four Weddings and a Funeral? _Why did I ever love you?" Squid cried.

"SHUT UP, SQUID!" The girls said together.

"Well, I should go. Text, huh?" Adrienne gave a small smile.

The other two nodded, and the three went their separate ways, though Juliana and Alice were going to the same place. It would be separate after the two got off the bus, so it counts to say they were going their separate ways.

Zig-Zag and Tap continued to watch as the bus raced away, and Adrienne left in a helicopter. Tap turned to Zig-Zag with her brow still furrowed.

"So, I was thinking the first thing we could do is to see if the whole _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_ thing could actually happen because there are these people who are married and from different spy agencies, and no one knows about it. Then we can go to Disneyland. Sound good?" Tap scrunched her nose.

"Sounds good. I think after Disneyland, we should try to create something that would erase people's memories like in _Eternal Sunshine_. Sound good?"

"Sounds good."

The two held hands as they walked to wear Mr. Sir's demolished truck was parked, ready to hijack it and hightail it to wherever they felt like it, discussing things they could do from movies in order that they would do them.

As the rain fell down, the mission was over, and the spies were forever changed. Except they weren't really because they all were pretty much the same, and none of them had really done anything to complete the mission. Actually, it was more just Caveman and Zero who did it all, and they weren't even spies. But that didn't matter because at the end of all of these stories, people are forever changed and so on and so on. So let's just say they all were, and end this with some witty, a little bit lame, a little bit clichéd line. You all are smart enough to think of one. Go on, have fun.

**Fin.**

* * *

_So that is it. Thank you to the two people who reviewed my last chapter. Frosted-Windows, thank you for saying I am smat. I are way smat. I mean, smart. Oops, typo! I should write a sitcom! It would be funny! Okay, it probably wouldn't, but hey, at least I would try, huh? And Loudmouth1014, thank you for saying I was one of your favorite authors. There is no way in hell I am writing a sequel because I cannot think of anything to write about, but hey, maybe I will change my mind. And it will be dedicated just to you. So yay for you! Anyway, thanks to all them readers out there. The ending was a bit deux ex machina, but I liked it. Deux ex machina is good. Real good._


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